Please utilise this space to search this blog

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Sydney - Your Saturday best - 7 years of sin and sensation!


Sydney (Australia)
20 MARCH 2013

This blog has been on the go for quite some time now, indeed it's been a constant companion in my travels for the last 7 years and has recorded an array of experiences, sights, sounds and feelings that I've been fortunate enough to have had over that time. That  wasn't always that the way though. In fact the original name of this blog was Helishers' Death by Caffeine and in its time acted as an outlet for all my caffeinated inspired rants that were directly attributed to and in direct proportion with my all my ongoing frustrations in life, whether  real or imagined. In very much the same manner that Franciso Goya had his 'black period', little 'ole Henry Elisher had his 'spirited era' or to put it less positively, black period during a greater part of his 20's. In whatever manner you'd like to slice it, time as it both appears and disappears equally is somewhat of a constant mover and shaker, and people in turn have the  tendency to change with it, or so I've observed, and I in my own assessment of self  I've found that I appear to have mellowed over time. And all that testosterone fuelled rage that once defined me has been replaced by a dose of acceptance, another dose of appreciation and the realisation that we all got a little lucky in winning the 'life lottery', I mean we made it this far so why the hell not utilise the opportunity that we've been granted.
 
My first travel experience was when I was 3 months old. I was fortunate enough to have a father that worked for an airline which meant that travelling to all corners of the globe was a reality rather than a far fetched dream. We weren't a wealthy family, not at all in fact, but the discounts that Qantas kindly provided on their airfares to staff acquiring a tenure of 10+ years  made it achievable for even the three of us, that being mum, dad and myself, to get a little global. As I said, I was three months old on that first escapade and 'man alive' did I catch a nasty 'travel bug' on that first journey, and not that I've tried to shake him out of my system at all  but  still that cheeky critter has stayed with me ever since.
 
As I mentioned earlier, the name of the blog was originally Helisher's Death by Caffeine which morphed into its current guise, A Year Full of Saturdays back in the middle of 2010. At the start of that year I was in the midst of planning a jaunt that was originally to have had me away for nearly 12 months. A work colleague of mine mentioned to me that each day away would inevitably feel like a Saturday, in fact, he even came up with the new name of the blog. It's a gem too, so I'm sticking with it! If, or rather, when I turn this blog into a travel book then credit will go to Craig McPhee for nailing the title.
 
Anyway,now I'm 7 years removed from where I originally started and with this blog as my recorder of fact and acting as my tribunal of truth  I've travelled through 32 of the 43 countries I've been to, have set foot on 6 continents and covered over 278,000kms. I've managed to hook up flight routes such that I now I actually have the right to say that 'I've been around the world'. I've seen many, many fantastic places, have met some great people who have turned into even better friends, have ticked things off my mental bucket list and actually strolled into a couple of towns that I can say, without question, are crap! Phonsovan and Montevideo, I'm looking at you squarely in the eyes...and don't snigger Tangier, I'll be after you next.
 
So prior to starting my next round of travel which I'd hazard a guess to say will commence at end of this year, I just want to take this opportunity to document my best of within a series of entries titled 'Your Saturday best - 7 years of sin and sensations'. I'm thinking of perhaps three or four entries to cover it but lets utilise this one as a just a sampler and see where it goes from here.

Starting with a bit of fun then....
 
The TOP 5 'Dude, where's my car!?!?' moments
 
1. Vang Vieng (Laos) - [2009] - The unfortunate thing is that it will probably be people like me,  with a lot less capacity to control themselves perhaps, that will shut down the backpacking draw card that is Vang Vieng. For those of you that that would like to read  tales of days lost in the middle of a South East Asian wonderland then please feel free to check out what I remember of that time here -  [The day that never was].

Now the idea for the visit was gifted to me from a pretty ordinary business analyst that I worked with at AAPT who during his  one time outpouring of orgasmic wanderlust veered abruptly into Lao territory, specifically a place that went by the name of Vang Vieng. 'You swore at me in what Asian language??' - was my first response to a place that I'd never heard of! But that way that he put it to me however and the way that it resided in my mind after that conversation, for a moment, made me forget how ordinary an analyst he was and also gave me the impression VV was a place that could have been lifted straight from the scenes of Apocalypse Now. He conjured up images of haunting mists on the Nam Song, dilapidated bamboo bars  lining the river banks that ensconced criminals of all kinds, the weight of the unknown and all pervasive, all encompassing...........yeah....the reality was that it wasn't like any of those images or associated possibilities. What it now is is not the hippie Nirvana that it once was described as, nor  is it the Apocalypse Now charade that I was sold on. What certainly exists in Vang Vieng is the Nam Song river, hundreds of bamboo bars, access to drugs of all kinds and an arena where time can stand still - if you dare think hard enough.

So I had an evening out in VV with JJ, one time friend of mine Jason and his partner Audrey where  we happily wiled away an afternoon and an evening swinging in hammocks under the shade of dual occupancy bamboo huts. I also remember that I happily consumed more than my fair share of Happy garlic bread during the course of that afternoon and evening. I mean I had a craving so intense that nothing was going to stop me from getting the garlic bread fix that I needed! Then the Happy Herb caught up with me...oh yeah it did! This is then what I  remember from the rest of that evening....

...I remember the BEST, I mean the GREATEST BURGER that this planet has ever seen, that has ever been created, EVER! In my humble, severe munchies opinion! I admit that assessment is totally subjective, but what's not was the size of this burger, it was a behemoth! It was somewhere at the point of burger completion that the night commenced drifting between auditory hallucinations, imagined conversations, cannon fire and panther growls. It was a scene man...in my head at least...and then, then the morning came. The morning of that day is all I have to recall for the rest of it drifted on by like the tranquil waters of the Nam Song that flowed but 50mtrs from the front door. Vang Vieng, I ask you, 'Dude, where IS my car!?'


Nam Song River - Vang Vieng - Laos
 
Bamboo bars on the Nam Song - Vang Vieng - Laos
 
Now do the maths here - people DIE in Vang Vieng, relatively frequently!
See the guy in the foreground? See the freakin' mental slide in the background?
Carnage ensues
AND THIS IS ONLY DURING THE DAY - NIGHT IN VANG VIENG IS A TOTALLY DIFFERENT BEAST
 
 
2. Riga (Latvia) - [2010] - A four hour bus ride out of Tallinn (Estonia) and I was in another smokin' Baltic capital, Riga. Both Tallinn and Riga are known as being party towns once the Summer rolls around, partly for their value for money, partly for their quaint, 'old town' centres but mostly for their talent! Now when I refer to talent I refer to the female merchandise because the guys....pfft....I have no idea how they survive in that environment! The men are all box headed, crew cut, dopey eyed Russians. No apologies from my side either, that's just the way they look and I have to make a call based on truth.

My devil of a night in Riga commenced in a placed called the Shot Bar. I mean straight off the bat the name already conjures up images of hedonism and inevitable destruction doesn't it? The tale of my evening in down town Riga can be read here [Latvian nightmoves] but the abridged version is what you're reading this entry for I guess, so here goes.

I was attracted to the bar because I had discovered its magical happy hour earlier in the afternoon and also a cute bartender by the name of Inga that slid a few freebies my way during the course of the evening. What I remember of that night is that somewhere around 1am, happy hour time, the place instantly packed out and the crowd upped the ante in terms of atmosphere! Bells were ringing, random Italians were buying me Flaming Lamborghini's, I mean we really had lift off from command centre in Riga, and then sometime around 3am my inner being had a quiet word with the body it was carrying and suggested that finding a bed would be the only rational thing to do at that point in time.

Now what I know after that point is this. I left the bar at 3am. I'm fairly certain of that as the bar was still open and it was dark. The hostel I was staying at could be reached in a 10-15 min walk, that I also know. The last piece of information that I can say for certain is that after leaving the bar at 3am I walked into the hostel at 7am!!! Dude, WHERE's my car!!??!? Now I don't have the slightest idea of what happened in the the 4 hrs after leaving the bar. I have snippets of hazy pixelated images in my mind that recall 'perhaps' another bar stop, I also recall what I thought was a Japanese man telling me that I couldn't sit in the doorway that was propping me up because the Rigan police would without question lock me up for drunk and disorderly conduct, that I ripped my trousers whilst running in circles in a car park (the running in circles event was due to a severe loss of balance, nothing intentional there) and finally I remember a group of guys trying to offer me assistance and saying amongst themselves 'Hey, isn't that the Australian guy from the bar'. Man oh man, I don't think I'd ever been quite so totalled in my life.
 
Somehow, by good fortune or good grace I literally stumbled upon the hostel I was staying at and found my bed, as I mentioned earlier, a little after 7am. I have no idea how I found the street that I was on, it was complete a fluke but an ever so needed one!
 
Old town centre - Riga - Latvia
 
Old town centre - Riga - Latvia
 
Leaving the shot bar at 3am - this is my 'last known wherebouts!' - 4hrs later I made it to my destination! Why I took this shot I have no idea!?
 

3. Parque Ambue Ari - Santa Theresa - (Bolivia) - [2010] - It's the Amazon, I mean it's difficult enough to get around this place during the day whilst being plugged into your sanity but what are your chances at 3am whilst still on the very high side of a bender? I answer in this fashion, please be acquainted with my good friend Slim and my other close friend None.

If you'd like to read about my night as a drunken Helen Keller then you can find it here [Escape from Alcatraz], but for those that aren't into 'linking around' then let me break down the contest for you, it went a little something like this. The Parque crew had a night out in Santa Maria, literally a one street town which runs perpendicular to the highway that splits this little Amazonian hamlet in two. Somewhere close to 3am after a night of drunken debauchery, jungle style, I decided to make a break back for the park which was 8kms from the town. Thankfully local buses make the trip on a fairly regular basis and I was able to float across the 8km atramentous sea of lost souls back to the parque without concern. It was when I took my first step off the bus however that my worlds of inebriation and sensory loss collided and I had a 'Dude, where's my freakin' accommodation moment!?'

Note this, the jungle blocks out all light, it is pitch black. My digs, well, where my mattress was based at least, was located 100mtrs  down the road from the main camp and in my all too macho, all too boneheaded assessment prior to the evening commencing I made the rather witless and obtuse decision of not sticking a torch into my back pocket, 'Crikey, she'll be right cobber' was the adopted philosophy. A reasonable decision perhaps at 6pm with colleagues a plenty to call on but at 3am in the morning, not such a brilliant one when standing as the solitary being on the darkened road to Trinidad. Thankfully I was provided with a Bolivian lighter from a fellow camper to keep me company for what should have been an uneventful journey down to my 'crib'.

Flicking my new inherited lighter on and off down the Ventura Highway I must have looked like a 13 yr old girl at a Justin Bieber concert who was high on ...? Actually, what the hell are those girls high on? One wonders! But then it happened. The piece of crap Bolivian lighter literally crumbled in my hands, I mean it just disintegrated and left a pile of spare parts on the side of the road, and there too I was left. My head spinning from hours of drinking, an understanding that my digs were probably now only 20mtrs from where I stood but also with the understanding that I could not see JACK other than feel the bitumen underneath my feet. I was in a hopeless position. I imagined in those moments that waiting it out until morning was going to be my only realistic option, although I didn't like the idea of the types of companions that I imagined would be keeping me company for those hours. The freakin tarantulas in those parts are MASSIVE and I'm a SEVERE arachnophobe!

So I tried for the impossible. I tap danced my way down the jungle path where I assumed  our hut was, but 5 mtrs into the journey I started crashing through thick undergrowth, vines and all other terrestrial beings! 'F***!' .... Not matter the failure however, I'm a stubborn little buggger and I attempted this route and methodology a few more times with the awful thought lingering in my mind that the further I penetrated the jungle the less likely I'd be able to make it back to the highway due to the cloak of darkness that surrounded me.

On my final pass I became well and truly enmeshed and acquired an instantaneous dose of jungle fever. It was only at that point that I realised that my position was well and truly hopeless. So there I stood, drunk, technically lost and inspired only by the flicker of hope I held in  that action that I was about to undertake next...I called out for help....'Help!...Heeeelp!....Help?'...it was that embarrassed, pathetic call for assistance where you realise that your own stupidity and drunken state has placed you in a most pitiful position.

....then I saw it, a light turned on from inside of the hut (all of 10 metres away!)...it left one of the rooms and came out the front door. It took a whole 4 seconds for a young Bolivian guy to come to be standing right in front of me, looking at me in a way that suggested he had already accepted his lot in life, he had done this before a number of times, obviously! What must he have been thinking, ' Another foreigner lost in the backyard!' - 'Riggs, I'm too old for this sh*t!'

The entrance to the camp on the left hand side of the shot - taken from roughly where my journey started to come undone - Parque Ambue Ari - Santa Theresa - Bolivia
 
It's tough enough trying to get through this during the day!
 
See that light on my head!?....yeah...hindsight huh! It's a wonderful thing!

4. Copacabana - Rio de Janeiro - (Brasil) - [2011] - 'Muther flippin' Cachaca!'. Do you know what that stuff can do to you? Thankfully I never truly found out how brutal a Caipirinha hangover could be but JJ on the other hand took this alcohol ride for a long test drive and decided to both trash the car and throw away the keys. If you want to check out the after effects of losing your senses on the famous sands of Copa then you can check it out here, [Delerium tremens with Taio Cruz].

JJ, Jet and myself had a caipirinha session for the ages on night one of our moon dance with Brasil, and the boys on Copa, man alive, their drinks are like rocket fuel, you feel each sip in your nose and in the whack of that metaphorical paddle to the back of your head! We had a wicked night where proceedings wound up at close to 5am. Now for the life of me I don't know how the hell I beat what should have been a near death experience but I was actually out running on Copacabana at 8:30am ...my return back to the apartment on the other hand was like walking into a murder scene. Limp bodies, the air heavy with the smell of the toxic residue that these bodies were trying to excrete and there I was, on my exercise infused endorphin high, about to jump on JJ's bed and give an almighty bullocking rendition of the crowd favourite, 'Hangover' by Taio Cruz. Yeah, and just to give you the inside scoop on that, it didn't go down too well!

5. Phnom Penh - (Cambodia) - [2008] - Position (5) on this list was hotly contested and it eventually came down to a line ball call with Kuala Lumpur [2009] but for sheer randomness and the manner in which I fell into this night it rightly makes the final five.

Jason Carter and I had arrived from Ho Chi Minh earlier in the day on the back of what was quite a terrible New Year's Eve. During the course of the afternoon we had decided to do our own thing and had agreed that this evening was going to be a quiet one ...'A-ha you say, that's exactly how all the big ones commence'

Early evening crept up on me slowly and I was walking along Preah Sisowath Quay, scoping the wares of a few street vendors when I heard someone call out to me, 'Hey peder...let's just go for a couple'. So that's what we did, Jason and I pulled up a couple of seats at a reasonably nice bar and started sinking a few cans of the local brew. As the hours drifted along on the amber river that made its way down our gullets, we found ourselves chatting with a bar owner named Andy and somehow finishing off the remains of the day of a bottle of JW Green label [Heart of darkness]. Just to let you know, I haven't read the John Conrad book of the same name at the blog entry where the essence of this story lies but I know that it has nothing to do with Pol Pot or his country friend chicken.

And you know, I did the right thing that evening, I walked away when the bar was set to close. I actually called it a night and started the walk back to our lodgings, but then it came, a beep of the car horn and three drunken louts calling out my name! 'Hey Henry, we're going to another bar, c'mon man, lets go!' ....so with my arm twist I entered the inebriation chariot and we departed into a darkened Phnom Penh morning.

Several blocks later we pulled up at a girlie bar where Andy and his mate appeared to be well known. After this point all that my mind remembers is that it became a 'gong-a-thon', the gong signalling drinks on the house. It was the Copperfield of drinking escapades, beverages appearing in my hands faster than my thoughts could will them. They also disappeared faster than my good sense should have allowed.

Hours later as my body alerted me to the onset of the morning hours I felt the need to crash out as I remembered that I actually did have plans for the day. I tried, in absolute vain, as always seemed to be the case with Jason, to move his body away from the corner of the bar...'Oh well, f*** it, he's a big boy, I'll just have to leave him here' ...this was when I started my walk back to our digs for a second time, alone and out on the dusty streets of Phnom Penh. Truthfully I don't know how I manage on most occasions but my sense of direction even in foreign places is always very good. At sometime close to 5am I woke the poor 'inn-keeper' and asked him to open the door for this poor foreign soul.

As the sun streamed through the window and as my body slowly grasped that the heat of the early afternoon meant that I had slept through the morning in an intoxicated coma I had a 'Dude, where's my friend moment'. I had felt certain that the place that I had left Jason  hours earlier was probably going to be the same place he was at at this moment. Gingerly I turned over to face the opposing wall and saw that the immovable object of those morning hours had met his match in the tranquility offered by his Phnom Penh cradle.
 
Angkor Wat - Siem Reap - Cambodia...reflecting on my time in Phnom Penh perhaps?
 
Bayon temple - Angkor complex - Siem Reap - Cambodia


The TOP 10 'This is how you remind me' moments

This section is dedicated to those songs that instantaneously take me back to a place in time. They may not be my favourite songs but they certainly know how remind me of some of the places that I've been and particular moments in this space.

1. Carlos Varela - 'foto de familia' - San Carlos de Bariloche - (Argentina) - [2010]  I'm sitting at one of the three computer terminals of the Tangoinn hostel in Bariloche. I'd been in town for a day and loved it, then again what's not to love about a place that has the Andes mountains cascading into Lake Huapi right at its front door? As I'm cruising the WWW this song comes on and it all hits me at once! I'm actually doing it! I'm on the road in South America, no agenda, no time lines to adhere to, just me and the adventure that I'd always dreamed of having. Now that was a cool realisation and this song gets me right back there in a second.


View from the Tangoinn onto lake Huapi - San Carlos de Bariloche - Argentina
 
Cerro de Campanario - San Carlos de Bariloche - Argentina
 
 
2. U2 - Mercy - Anoeta stadium - San Sebastian  - (Spain) - [2010] & Buenos Aires - Argentina - [2010] - My time in San Sebastian gave me more than I could have ever imagined. In fact, in the six months I had away in that year it took out top spot in terms of my favourite places visited. On the 26th of September U2 played a concert at the Anoeta stadium in San Seb for which I managed to score a front row ticket. So come on now, my favourite band playing in a town that is picturesque, has charm, is full of energy and just food obsessed! There is absolutely nothing wrong with that picture! And whilst this isn't a well known U2 song, in fact it hasn't been released on an album, they played it on this evening in San Seb and for me it was the highlight.
 
U2 360 Tour - Estadio Anoeta - San Sebastian - Spain
 
As for its relationship with Buenos Aires, well that's a little different. I arrived in Boedo, Buenos Aires what should have only been several hours prior to Dina's scheduled arrival time. This was DAY 1 of South America and I was excited, ready to conquer as much of the continent as possible. I spent most of the first two days in this barrio waiting around for D to arrive (she ended up being delayed 2 days in Madrid!), drinking wine and listening to this song continuously in a local internet cafe.
 
Downtown Boedo - Buenos Aires - Argentina
 
3. Fedde le Grand - Raise your hands for Detroit - Hemavan - (Sweden) - [2006] - My travel blog actually started with my trip to Sweden back in '06 but unfortunately those first entries are lost somewhere under a different blog location...and now that I've said that I've just completed my own little investigation and found the link to those specific entries [Sunset at 1pm] & [Put your hands up for Detroit], the second entry being more than appropriately named it seems.
 
This song was everywhere over the Christmas and New Year's period of '06-'07 and when I hear it I think of apres ski in Hemavan, the sun setting at 2pm in the Artic Circle, drunk Swedes, my good mate Jay and jager shot & beer. Good times Fedde! Good times!
 
Hemavan - Sweden
 
4. Black Eyed Peas - I got a feelin' - Kuala Lumpur - Malaysia - [NYE '09/10] - Somehow I knew in advance that this song was going to be the soundtrack to my NYE that year. Jet and I had made our way to the Traders Hotel in KL and booked ourselves in for the NY period. We also managed to score ourselves a table at Skybar which is probably THE view that you want to have in KL for the NYE fireworks.
 
This song reminds me of the NYE 'psyche up routine' prior to heading up to Skybar, it also reminds me of half hour before NYE as of course this track had its obligatory spin and finally it reminds me of New Years Day and me blaring this song in our room, trying to get even the slightest wiggle of an eyelid from Jet who appeared to be knocked out cold.
 
Kuala Lumpur - Malaysia -NYE 2009-10
 
5. David Guetta/Usher - Without You - Rio de Janeiro - Brasil - [2010] - The intro to this song has Usher on the beaches of Ipanema singing the lyrics 'I can't win, I can't reign, I will never win this game without you'. Whilst there's nothing deeply profound about those lyrics other than a strange personal association the fact that the lead off to the film clip commences on the beaches of Rio really makes it more than easy for me to think of golden beaches, caipirinhas and the clouds surrouding Cristo.
 
Rio de Janeiro - Brasil
 
6.Rage Against the Machine - Testify - Buenos Aires - Argentina - [2010] - Phwoar! These guys brought the intensity!!! I think I was able to capture a snippet of that in my blog entry titled [The Quickening]. This was the first song of a furious set  played out on the grounds of Constanera Sur in BA that triggered the crowd into a machismo induced state of delirium. You know the feeling that you get just before an intense storm is about to break and the atmosphere feels heavy with the weight and energy of some type of pent up angst, just like Mother Nature has chosen this moment to let out a little bit of her frustrations. Well the first strains of Testify felt like the thunder that explodes directly over your head after the realisation of that first strike of lightning. It was fucking amazing and I attach that song to that very moment in BA.
 
Buenos Aires - Argentina
 
7. Thirty Seconds to Mars - Kings & Queens - Barcelona - (Spain) - [2010] - I remember being in a nice little bar on the beach near Barceloneta, looking out onto the Meditteranean, just chatting away with JJ and kind of off handedly catching this song being played on the TV in the background. It stuck and now the memory this fantastic city is brought on everytime I hear the song.
 
Barcelona - Spain
 
 
8.Feeder - Insomnia - Vietnam/Cambodia - [2008] - So I snuck this one in even though it runs against the rules that I have of a song reminding me of a time and place. It does in fact remind me of the time just before heading of to Vietnam/Cambodia and the build up to leaving, and because I create the rules on this block I also allow myself the occasional indulgence of breaking them every once on a while. Yeah, I'm a bad boy!!! Huh!?
 
Angkor Wat - Siem Reap - Cambodia
 
9. Slash/Adam Levine - Gotten - Paraty - Brasil - [2010] - There's JJ, Jet and myself sitting on a verandah overlooking the magnificence of the Bay of Ihla Grande on the Costa Verde. Strangely one of the things that you tend to miss the most whilst travelling is music and one of the last things added to your preparations list prior to leaving is something that has the capacity to play some tunes. OK, so with the advent of the iEverything these days it's not such a hassle and thankfully Jet had the new Slash album on his iPhone ready to go, along with too many songs to mention by Suicidal Tendencies. This song however reminds me of Paraty and of a few moments  in my mind when the strangely held hope of something that I'd wanted more than anything for half my life to come true actually did....'Never say never punks! '....seriously!!!!
 
Ihla Grande Bay - Paraty - Brasil
 
10. Your own personal Jesus - Depeche Mode - flight from Dubai - [2006] - You've got to blame Emirates for this one, and perhaps the fact that I made a conscious decision to listen to the Best of Depeche Mode for the second leg of the flight home.

Saturday, March 9, 2013

It's a wrap - Argentina/Uruguay


Argentina/Uruguay
18 August 2012 - 29 August 2012

The two-timer tour - WRAP

San Telmo - Buenos Aires - Argentina (2010)

As has become standard for me when I've ended a trip I've taken to doing a last summary or a 'greatest hits' review whenever I managed to complete the final entry on the 'how, why, when and whatever else may have been alcohol related' blog series of my most recent escapades. Sticking with tradition and therefore adopting the same template that I've used in the past, see also;
 
 
I therefore bring you the close out of the Argentina/Uruguay experience which now continues within the new life of my blog, known by the name, Life in a Year Full of Saturdays. In actual fact the two-timer final cut is more of a tale of two cities than two countries, that being Buenos Aires and Montevideo, but I'm sticking with tradition in terms of delivery for this final entry. So lets do it, lets check out the highs, lows, hits and misses of the two-timer tour!

Argentina-Uruguay - 'The Final'

Favourite places

Usually my 'favourite places' are  a city based list but as I didn't hop around from city to city on this tour this list is going to be more about places within the cities themselves.

1. Mercado del Puerto - Montevideo - (Uruguay) - Oh the irony! Actually, may I make the point of re-stating that by saying, 'oh, the dramatic irony!', because in that sense what I now say about Montevideo and it's relation to my ironic conidtion is in actual fact correct and hence I need 'no lecture or tickets to a disco!' regarding the use of irony and its context! Just to advise,when the character or shall we say main protagonist in a movie or play does something out of ignorance or that which is contrary to the truth that the audience is already well aware, then that my friends is known as dramatic irony. For example,  it's like that time I got married... (...ummm, ok, lets leave that story for another day also!). Anyway, many of my friends would have known that I should not have returned to Montevideo, we don't really gel all that well, and low and behold I got kicked in the teeth for tempting fate in any case. Broadcasting the fact that I think she, Montevideo, sucks sweet juicy balls, may not have done my cause any good at all, BUT...

..........then there came the Mercado del Puerto (sound the trumpets, or at the very least just imagine them being sounded!)

How is it that a place like Montevideo, a place so bland, so boring, so uninspiring, has a space that is a shrine to all things grilled meat related! If you were making a sauce from all things meat inspired then this place would be the exquisite reduction of all things good, and wholesome, and just and honourable about meat.

Prior to making my way to Montevideo I read somewhere that the Uruguayan love for meat makes Argentinians look like vegetarians! If you know anything about how Argentinians roll then that is a MASSIVE statement to be throwing out into the wind. The mercado however is literally just jammed with parillas, their wood fires churning out lomo, morcillas, chorizos, pollo, asado...just keep talking. It's smokey, it's intoxicating, it's got my stamp of approval! Montevideo, you may not like me but I can almost forgive you for providing me with the Mercado del Puerto. I'm happy to call it even!
 
Mercado del Puerto - Montevideo - Uruguay
 
Mercado del Puerto - Montevideo - Uruguay
 
C'mon, give me more jamon (yeah, I said that!)
...how about this then, 'I was jamon a good time!?'
Didn't Bob Marley have a song called jamon? I'm sure he did!
Mercado del Puerto - Montevideo - Uruguay
 
2. La Bombonera - La Boca - Buenos Aires - (Argentina) - I sometimes wonder how it is that places just take up residence in your head and constantly nag you to hunt them down, ex-girlfiends aside. South America managed to somehow draw me into its space even as a youngster. It was a dark, mysterious continent that had an edge about it, a pervasive edge that permeated into that impressionable young mind of mine and ballooned into an enigma by the fact that (I) didn't know a great deal about it. In the same fashion La Bombonera, the home ground of the legendary BA team Boca Juniors, existed in my mind in the very same fashion. As a kid I would watch grainy games replayed on World Soccer each Saturday afternoon and wondered where the hell it in this world that crowds would erupt into a wild frenzy just for the fact that their team turned up on the pitch! Down the tack I ended up finding out the answer to the question, and on this trip I ended up satisfying one of the many travel wants (....or is it needs)! La Bombonera is a cauldron, the fans are typically passionate and emotional. Designed by a Yugoslav, painted in Swedish colours and with the atmosphere that you can only get in Latin America, this was a great place to be!
 
 La Bombonera - home of Boca Juniors - La Boca - Buenos Aires - Argentina
 
Game time! It's time to 'set it off' in La Bombonera!!
 
3-2 with 10 mins to go. It was a cracking game but unfortunately for Boca and the home town faithful the game ended up in a 3-3 draw. Advertising boards were thrown!
 
 
3. San Telmo - Buenos Aires - (Argentina) - Sometimes you learn by the process of osmosis, right? Isn't that when a liquid passes through a 'semi-permeable' membrane and then settles elsewhere? I don't know actually, I'm trying to recall facts from my Yr 8 science glass and I'm drawing blanks, but there's a point here. My first time in BA was in 2010 and I elected to stay in San Telmo for that initial stop. Why? Because somehow, from somewhere by some fanciful process that I haven't as yet figured out I made the assessment that San Telmo was the 'cool part' of Buenos Aires. In actual fact it's not - Palermo Soho is the 'cool part' BUT  San Telmo is my style cool. Cobble stoned streets, old classical style architecture, the aroma of charred meat filling the air from the  parillas that inhabit every corner, establishments that exude the charm of those old world speakeasy's...it just suits me down to the ground, and I have to say that if I was to ever live in Buenos Aires or stay here for any 'real' amount of time then this barrio would certainly be my home.
 
 
San Telmo street art - near the corner of calle Peru y Chile -San Telmo - Buenos Aires - Argentina
 
Calle Chile, San Telmo, on a brisk Sunday morning
 
On La calle Defensa, Bernabe Ferreya, aka 'Gardelito' - San Telmo - Buenos Aires - Argentina
Bernabe has been peforming the songs of Carlos Gardel since 1972
 
Gente caminando por San Telmo
 
4. La Boca - Buenos Aires - (Argentina) - This is the 'working class' barrio of Buenos Aires and is the cities true cultural melting pot. It has a strong Italian influence but also has pockets of Spanish, Germans, French, Arabs and Basque. It's kind of gritty in that true working class manner but also colourful, has soul and is full of life. Apparently it's not the 'safest' barrio to just wonder around but since when have I taken notice of 'safety measures' outlined in any notable travel guide - please see the entry on a puma tried to rip my nuts off for proof of that! It's right here if you're interested -  The 3:10 express from Yuma
 
La Boca - Buenos Aires - Argentina
 
La Boca - Buenos Aires - Argentina
 
Puerto La Boca Riachuelo Transbordador - La Boca - Buenos Aires - Argentina
 
Calle Caminito - La Boca - Buenos Aires - Argentina
 
Backstreets of La Boca near La Bombonera

5. Panamericano hotel - San Nicolas - Buenos Aires - (Argentina) - I'd seen many photos taken of the famous Avenida 9 de Julio and the Obelisk but had not quite figured out  from where they were taken , that was until I zeroed in on the top floor of the Panamericano hotel. What the top floor of this hotel should be is a bar, perhaps one that opens out magnificently onto the BA skyline for all to enjoy. What it is however is some type of ordinary observation deck that backs off a pool that can only be utilised by hotel guests.I was not a hotel guest. I did however try my luck and took a ride to the top floor. I managed to time my run so perfectly that the gentleman attending the service desk just stepped aside for the briefest of moments as I took my first steps onto the floor - nice timing dude!
 
 The view was spectacular, let me say that now.
 
View from the Panamericano - San Nicolas - Buenos Aires - Argentina
 
View from the Panamericano - San Nicolas - Buenos Aires - Argentina
 
View from the Panamericano - San Nicolas - Buenos Aires - Argentina
 
 
 
Most Surprising
 
1. Mercado del Puerto - Montevideo - (Uruguay) - I had hoped that the Mercado del Puerto would be good, especially for the fact that I didn't make it there on my last visit to Montevideo, but man oh man, it exceeded all my expectations and then whilst in that process it  also held court as my heart palpitated and the exhiliration brought on by the endorphin rush made me forget that I was actually in a town that I had quite some contempt for. Love is blind, it's a fact!
 
Mercado del Puerto - Montevideo - Uruguay
 
 
Coolest place for a night out
 
1. San Telmo - Buenos Aires - (Argentina) - I know this isn't the 'cool bar' centre of Buenos Aires but that doesn't concern me, but it does have its fair share of cool bars let me just add that now. This barrio is vibrant, it's inviting, warm and like the rest of BA it only starts to think about turning in for the night when the colour of the dark sky starts to change. Heading our for dinner early here means that you're in a restaurant at 10:30pm, seriously, that's an early dinner and that in itself is the signature of a barrio that resides under the tag line that says 'Cool, yeah we invented it'.
 
2. Palermo Soho - Buenos Aires - (Argentina) - Now this is the fashionable corner of BA. For those that are wondering the Palermo Soho cocktail is a shot of fashion, a shot of restaurants and a double shot of bars. It's hip (cliche), it's trendy (cliche), it strives to be hip and trendy in an alternative way (cliche squared) and it's where all the BA 'young guns' hang out.
 
Street art - Palermo Soho - Buenos Aires - Argentina
 
Palermo Soho - Buenos Aires - Argentina
 
3. Puerto Madero - Buenos Aires - (Argentina) - This is reclaimed territory of sorts. An area that used to be a land of forgotten and worn docks and warehouses has in the last 20 yrs been revitalised and is filled with restaurants and bars that are more than happy to satisfy both the carnivorous and alcoholics amongst us, or if you're like me, then the carniholics amongst us.
 
Puerto Madero - Buenos Aires - Argentina
 
Puerto Madero - Buenos Aires - Argentina
 
 Puerto Madero - Buenos Aires - Argentina
 
Best accommodation
 
1. Ayres Portenos hostel - San Telmo - Buenos Aires - (Argentina) - This place takes out the honour by default as I only stayed in one other place for a night and there's just no way that anything from Montevideo was going to take out a title, well other then the Mercado del Puerto but I think it claimed sovereign rights from Montevideo long ago under the 'We're not accepting responsibility for a crappy city like you' Act.
 
Ayres Portenos hostel - San Telmo - Buenos Aires - Argentina
 
 
Best place to get lost
 
1. Reserva ecologica - Castanera Sur - Buenos Aires - (Argentina)  - This may appear to be an odd choice in that my track record suggests that usually the best place to get lost would be in a specific town or suburb of a town, but the crown has to go to the reserve. Fronting the Rio de la Plata and acting as the 'intermediary' between the city of BA and the Rio de la Plata, this 3.5km2 tract of lowland is just the tonic for those jaded Portenos and tourists alike who just need to drop out and lose themselves in nature for a little while.
 
Reserva ecologica - Castanera Sur - Buenos Aires - Argentina
 
 
Best drink
 
1. Malbec - (pick your restaurant or bar) - Buenos Aires - (Argentina)  Its ubiquitous, it has become the national varietal style of wine and considering that the Argentinians predominantly drink red the odds are that if you're wanting a glass of red then you're going to be having a malbec, in all likelihood, from Mendoza...and who the hell is going to complain about that? It's freakin' glorious! It's absoutely my favourite grape variety and it flows in the streets as easily as the dulcet tones of Barry White will put you in the mood for some afternoon delight. It's partnership with Argentinian beef is what Serbian dreams are made of!
 
 
My malbec from Mendoza, my beef in Argentina!
(Apologies to E.Hemingway for bastardising his line)
 
2. Pisco sour - Avenida 9 de Julio - Buenos Aires - (Argentina) - So this isn't Pisco sour heartland, in fact I'm having this drink a long way from Peru, the place where it originated...but....I haven't been to Peru, nor have I been to Chile where they have their own style of sours, and of the ones that I have had thus far the several in Buenos Aires were so far ahead of their predecessors that I had to honour it with a place on the roll of achievement.
 
Avenida 9 de Julio - Buenos Aires - Argentina
 
3. Cortado - Cafe Tortoni -  Avenida de Mayo - Buenos Aires (Argentina) - So this is just an expresso cut with a little bit of warm milk but that's the way I like my coffee these days, I think the location, Cafe Tortoni, had a lot to do with the sell of this caffeine hit. How could Jorge Luis Borges have been wrong? He couldn't! Don't think about it because I've provided you with the answer!
 
Cafe Tortoni - Avenida de Mayo - Buenos Aires - Argentina
 
 
Best meals
 
1. Mercado del Puerto - Montevideo - (Uruguay) - it was just THAT good! The morcillas were the best I had ever had! Some would say 'delicious', I would say delectable, and of course I could wax lyrical about the mecado but it still pains me that a place so exquisite, a place so in tune with my needs is located in THAT city! Damn you Mercado del Puerto, just move already!
 
Mercado del Puerto - Montevideo - Uruguay
 
 
2. Brasas Argentinas Buffet and Grill - Avenida Alicia Moreau - Puerto Madero - Buenos Aires - (Argentina) - Some may not rank this the culinary experience as one that epicureans may strive for because a buffet by definition is more based on quantity that quality, but man alive, the meat! Of course, right!? Blood sausage, chorizos, beef, lamb, ribs! It's all that I wanted and as much as I wanted! It was bliss!
 
Make no mistake, I was in heaven!
 
 
3. El Desvivel - calle Defensa - San Telmo - Buenos Aires - (Argentina) - I love this place, it's what 'tourists' would call 'authentic', whatever the hell that means. By the looks of it though its where the locals like to eat too. The decor isn't spectacular but it doesn't have to be, if I wanted to pay to sit in a place that likes nice then I would have gone to a day spa (or something like that).  This place did a mean bife de chorizo and I know for a fact also created magical morcipans, choripans and all else meat related. It was also a 5 min walk from where my hostel was located, it was an easy choice.
 
 El Desvivel - San Telmo - Buenos Aires - Argentina
 
 
Honorary mention - La Cabrera - Palermo Viejo - Buenos Aires - (Argentina) - This is on the higher end of the scale in terms of expense but it's well worth it, for the meal and for the service. I made it there one lazy mid afternoon and had a fantastic experience. It has been noted in my future to do list and I will return, with reinforcements!
 
My meal! La Cabrera - Palermo Viejo - Buenos Aires - Argentina
 
Dedication to the cow - La Cabrera - Palermo Viejo - Buenos Aires - Argentina
 
Best Bars
 
1. Pool bar - Faena Universe - Puerto Madero - Buenos Aires - (Argentina) -  I might have to spend a couple of nights in the Faena Universe, it's a world unto itself, suprise, suprise. The pool bar is the place to be seen and leans a greadt distance to having a type of Moroccan feel to it without going the full Moroccan monty.
 
2. La Poesia - San Telmo - Buenos Aires - (Argentina) - This place was located one block down from where I was staying. From what I know it had only opened up in the last several years but felt as though it had been there from the turn of last century. Pleasant vibe, great service and its proximity to where I was staying made it an absolute favourite.
 
La Poesia - San Telmo - Buenos Aires - Argentina
 
3. Bar El Federal - San Telmo - Buenos Aires - (Argentina) - this place IS genuinely old school and you can feel it the moment you enter. I love the warmth, charm and character that wood gives to an old style bar. San Telmo has plenty of them and this place for me was one of the best.
 
Bar El Federal - San Telmo - Buenos Aires - (Argentina)
 
 
My guilty pleasure
 
1. The morcipan or choripan - El Desvivel - San Telmo - Buenos Aires - (Argentina) - I've got a thing for blood sausage, and chorizo's for that matter, go figure. At El Desvivel they throw them onto the grill, with the wood fire flaming away and the smell of charred meat fills not just your nostrils but washes over your skin, seeping through your pores as you wait...And the reality of it is that it's very, very basic fair, it gets thrown onto a bun and then it's your decision as to what you'll utilise in order to construct your masterpiece. My masterpiece would include a little bit of salsa and then I'd flood the market with turbo charged chimichurri! Perfection!
 
A typical Sunday afternoon on Defensa - chorizo's anyone? San Telmo - Buenos Aires - Argentina
 
 
Self acknowledgment that I'm a 'World Cup tragic'
 
Even on the day that Montevideo beat the fun and mischief out of me I still had to make my way to the Estadio Centenario. It's where the the final of the very first football World Cup was played and the pilgrimage paid homage to the years of legendary World Cup football that has shaped many elements of my life (in odd ways of course).
 
Estadio Centenario - Montevideo - Uruguay
 
Estadio Centenario - Montevideo - Uruguay
 
 
Favourite photos
 
1. 'Gardelito', aka, Bernabe Ferreya - calle Defensa - San Telmo - Buenos Aires (Argentina)
 
 
I've got a black and white photo of this guy (actually the one at the top of this entry) framed and hanging on my wall at home. I walked down to see if this guy was still plying his trade on Sunday afternoons, of course he was. He's an institution and can be found on too many postcards to count. I'm not sure if he's impressed by the fact that I stole his image, he looks as though he could go all Mike Tyson mafiosa on me if he wanted to.
 
 
2. Mural - backstreets of La Boca - Buenos Aires - Argentina
 
 
 
I like the intensity of this mural. Part of the reason that I included the edge of the wall on the left hand side of the phoot was to create strong lines and angles which were meant to add to the character of what was painted. I did take another photo of the mural, as below, in order to capture it in its entirety but the photo doesn't have the same feel to me as the first.
 
 
 
3. Window frame - La Boca - Buenos Aires - (Argentina)
 
 
There are places where taking photos are just so easy, you point and shoot, everyone's a winner baby. La Boca is one of those places. This shot just has the character that typifies the colour, atmosphere and attitude of this barrio.
 
4. Rio de la Plata - Montevideo - (Uruguay)
 
 
 
There's nothing fancy or pretty about this end of town in Montevideo. They (the Montevideans)  kind of shun the river, turning their back on it in very much the same manner that the folk from Buenos Aires do. Still, I like this photo.
 
 
5. Obelisco - Avenida Presidente Roque Saenz Pena - Buenos Aires (Argentina)
 
 
 
This is just a typical BA shot to me. Can't beat a city that looks good in black and white now can you?

 
 
Coolest moments
 
1. La Bombonera - La Boca - Buenos Aires - (Argentina) - For the simple passion and atmosphere of the game there wasn't anything else that could go past the experience.
 
2. Panamericano - San Nicolas - Buenos Aires - (Argentina) - For the fact that I slipped past security with the skill and dexterity of a Romanian pickpocket.
 
3. Mercado del Puerto - Montevideo - (Uruguay) - It was the realisation that there was a small area of ground in this world that had invaded my dreams, taken out an element and created a reality that only ever existed in my imagination.
 
4. Calle Defensa on a Sunday - San Telmo - Buenos Aires - (Argentina) - There's nothing better to do on a Sunday in BA than to cruise Defensa, check out the markets, check out the food, listen to the music and just get caught up in the sweet vibe of the barrio.
 
5. Reserva ecologica - Castanera Sur - Buenos Aires - (Argentina) - With next to no pesos in my pocket and lamenting the fact that I wasn't on a flight to Puerto Iguazu that morning this reserve proved to be the perfect foil for that wave of loss that came with the realisation that I was getting jipped on seeing one of the natural wonders of the world for the second time in 18 months!!
 
Un-coolest moment
 
1. ATM fail - Ciudad Vieja - Montevideo - (Uruguay) - This was Montevideo getting me back for telling all and sundry that the Big M sucks balls! Well you know what, it does, and now even harder than it did previously! Fair enough, it was my ignorance or perhaps absent mindedness that led to the situation but that's simply because the Latin American process is different to that which I've experienced everywhere else in the world. The ATM's here keep your card in the machine after your money has already been dispensed, asking you 'whether you would like to undertake another transaction', in other places you receive your card first prior to the cash being dispensed. For some reason my mind interpreted this process as  - 'cash in my hand = transaction complete = you can walk way now'. Sure I could walk away, but I would also be leaving my card in the machine! Oh well, Montevideo!!! You've screwed me again!!!
 
Most Random but still cool moment
 
1. Running into Jorge - San Telmo - Buenos Aires - (Argentina) - Running into people you know quite by chance in a completely foreign place is also known as complete randomness. Literally running into them however is complete randomness with a dose of bizarre. So the story goes like this. Coming back from my night out at La Bombonera my ride drops me off near the Ayres Portenos hostel on calle Chile. As I step off the bus I jink inside a man that's walking up the street and he quickly steps the other way and then just as quickly spins on his heel, 'Hey Henry' he calls out..................'Ahh what now!?' is the way my mind summed up the situation. I realised in just a second that it was Jorge, a guy that I got to know on my last stay in Buenos Aires whilst hanging out in Boedo. He was now living in San Telmo on calle Chile about a 40 second walk from the front door of where I was staying. Random and cool all at once.
 
Best comeback
1. There's nothing like a free meal, or is there? H. Elisher dining out with no $ to his name - San Telmo - Buenos Aires - (Argentina) - To say that I took advantage of Mike would be to do me an injustice. I will admit to playing up to the good nature of my room-mate and betting that he would take the bait. In all honesty if someone had told me the same story I would have done the same thing, so I guess in a way good 'ole Mike was paying it forward by taking me out for a cracking meal and somewhere down the track I might just be able to do the same, but please make my recipient Spanish, female, with long dark hair and....well you can guess the rest!
 
Travel breakdown
 
Total number of flights - 2
 
Total flying hours - 28hrs
 
Total time spent in airports - 'Not many, if any...' - All recognition and rights to that line go to Scribe, not may people can roll like him!
 
Total number of bus rides - 1
 
Total number of ferry rides - 2
 
Total distance travelled - 23906kms
 
Total bottles of Malbec that I downed - 22 (give or take)
 
 
...and there we have it, that's a wrap of the Argentina/Uruguay 'two-timer tour'. Now that was a hell of a lot of fun and totally unexpected. I thank Aerolineas Argentinas for adding on a new service from BA to Sydney and considering promotional offers as the way to increase patronage! Under $1000 return was just a ridiculous bargain, and like that offer was ever going to get past this Wile E Coyote!?
 
So where to now? Well I have plans of course! The idea of Cuba has been gently simmering for a while and is now coming to the boil, it's definitely the front runner, but there's a dark horse in Nicaragua and Costa Rica that's just hit the turn and full speed. So thanks for hanging out with me here and look for me somewhere far, far away in the near future, relatively speaking.