Hanoi - 'That's some trippy poltergesit action'

Hanoi (Vietnam)

I don’t know how we managed it but we appeared to both pull up reasonably well after only a four hour turn around from the proceedings which had originated the day before this one, in a city and country foreign to the current place and time. Somehow we were seated at the Hanoi Elegance 3 breakfast table by 8am, Jet carving it up Kelly Slater fashion, a good ‘ole Hanoi style omelette, whilst I got my ‘grease on’ with a gravy beef baguette. I mean it sounds a little ‘down and dirty’ but it was just what I needed after consuming 20 or so spring rolls fours hours earlier on the back of litres of Halida, Hanoi’s finest brew.

It was all fairly relaxed and mid tempo for most of the day. Jet had himself a mission to pick up some knee length socks, which of course could not be found, outside of there being twenty or so potential offers to sell him stockings. We also purchased more than $1,000,000 worth of potential copyright infringement fines by spending approximately $10 on ripped CD’s, but hey, as the Village People use to say, ‘You can’t stop the music!’, and then after cruising through the Old Quarter for most of the morning we revisited our own Hanoi field of dreams from the night before. Steps were retraced, images drawn from the haze of alcoholic confusion and then a consensus made that perhaps stopping in at a bar called the ‘Hair of the Dog’ might just be the valuable tonic needed to prop us up for another day in the capital.

Hair of the Dog - Hanoi - Vietnam

 Disappointingly we were quite rational about our selection and downed several caffeine boosters with sweetened condensed milk in order to get our hearts a racin’, and admittedly it kind of worked for a while, well, until such time as the omnipresent cyclo riders finally won the war they had been waging with our stoic senses, your heroes on the streets succumbing to their incessant requests for cyclo tours around the Old Quarter…and yeah, it was cruisy – a nice glide through the traffic which allowed us to just absorb the pace at which this place operates.

Taking a spin around the Old Quarter - Hanoi - Vietnam

After finding ourselves at the top of Hoan Kiem lake post cycle escapade we walked down the western side, Jet making it his mission to find himself a red tie to accentuate the black shorts, shirt and shoes outfit that he had going. Our adventures for the day however had morphed into a concerted search for caffeine, caffeine and more of it the farther we travelled. Late in the afternoon we stopped in at a place called the Fast Food café for another Vietnamese brew. A totally non-descript place, not famous for anything that we knew of and definitely not mentioned in any Lonely Planet guide, this place,as far as the Hanoi café scene went was a pure vanilla option. So Jet ordered himself some type of local soup because he’s hanging out for one, I just hung back a little and decided to go with the single coffee option. Jet at this point decides that he wants one also and in turn the coffee’s are delivered to our table at the same time, both placed closer to the centre of the table that to the edge. Now both Jet and I vague out a little and escape into own head space for a while, just taking in the surrounds and contemplating the last few days in our own way. Then out of my periphery vision I see Jets’ coffee slide a good 10cms across the table towards him, it wasn’t touched, the table wasn’t bumped, in my mind there was no clear explanation for how it happened. A moment after the event however my mind kind of dismisses it, I’m not sure as to why. It wasn’t until a few minutes later that Jet asked me as to whether I’d seen the event and I confirmed that I indeed had. We checked the table for potential slants, slippery surfaces, magnets, pranksters, Ashton Kutcher, but nothing! There wasn’t any logical reason that we could attribute to what we had both witnessed, a full cup of coffee just moved, no assistance at all. There was some trippy poltergeist business going on there!

Recovering from our own private universe of a Ripley’s Believe It or Not induced head spin, we travelled back to a famous lakeside institution, Fanny’s ice creamery for a little bit of Vietnamese sweetness. This place was gooood, gooood! The flavours were outstanding and man those coffees, the best that I’ve ever encountered in Vietnam, which in turns meant that they’re the best I’d had anywhere. Of course Jet had already acquired a fan club before we’d even taken a seat and by the time our desserts had hit the table he’d already mentally ‘smashed’ three or four of the young waitresses that were offering some decent customer service to him, yeah, it was the rock star thing again! Seriously, it really felt like I didn’t exist. I was having conversations with my good self anytime Frichot was around and engaged in any sort of dialogue with another person, *sigh*. In any case Fanny’s was damn good and we made ourselves a promise to return one night prior to leaving, on this night however we needed to be making preparations for what we both knew was going to be another big one. Trudging back to the Hanoi Elegance we dodged bikes, cars, ‘Frichot paparazzi’ and monkeys before being able to rest up for a few hours and spin some tunes prior to heading out.

 

Our evening started off with a touch of style, albeit with absolutely crappy service. We ventured to the Hanoi Garden restaurant, a Tripadvisor recommended joint not too far from where we were staying. The initial look of the place was quite intriguing, set around a fairly large courtyard some way back from a main road, the moment you were inside the noise of the endless traffic was relatively muted. We managed to get ourselves a nice table in the courtyard and settled in for a hell of a meal, kicking off with some springs rolls then added several other dishes such as blackened pepper catfish, bread crumbed deep fried fish, sauteed shrimp stuffed with cheese and bits and pieces of several other things. Where the Hanoi Garden encountered hard times however was in the service department. Obviously Frichot and I had shown up towards the back end of their evening service and even whilst we were mid meal these clowns started removing all the tables around us. By the time we’d finished we were the only turkeys, sitting on the only table out in the courtyard, and even worse, the waiter that had remained with us until what was their ‘supposed’ closing time had put on his coat and split for home or some Hanoi Garden after party. Seriously, Frichot and I are looking at this guy walk out and both turned to make the ‘Captain Obvious’ comment, ‘Isn’t that our waiter'? Well yes, it was, we’re now flying solo. So there we stayed, all finished, waiting patiently for someone to assist us with finalising our bill at the end of the night. We probably waited 20 mins before someone questioned both the logic and viability of leaving two white boys out in the garden overnight. Hanoi Garden, I haven’t rated you on TripAdvisor yet, but trust me, you’re going down!!

'Where did everybody go?' - Hanoi Garden Restaurant - Hanoi

Now, the scene of last evenings crimes against humanity turned into some sort of homecoming for us on this night. A few warm up cocktails of the daiquiri/mojito style at the Hair of the Dog, then a short crappy stay at a cheesy, sleazy dive before making our way to the Funky Buddha with the familiarity of Hanoi stalwarts for our version of Hanoi Nights round 2 and happened thankfully to encounter the same vibe that had greeted us the night before. Ms Funk n’ Breaks DJ was off working her fantastic grooves again and in turn my main man was attracting attention with his ‘lady boy’ locks and new wave moves on the dance floor,and you know the deal now, as the night progresses, alcohol is consumed and fairy tales are born. From this point on I only have the vaguest of recollections of holding up the fort at the bar whilst some Russian mobsters decided that Jet and his Invisible mate, the one that they sat on, aka me, were more than worthy of a few free rounds. There was also a few rounds of shots bought by some Vietnamese groupies and somewhere along the line an invisible basketball that Jet was playing with somehow got passed around for 20 mins. It would have been a weird sight to see if it wasn't so funny, a few people got into that one actually.

All OK!? Obviously it was! Funky Buddha bar - Hanoi

Me making friends with all the 'Invisible People' of Hanoi - Funky Buddha Bar

Kind of reminds me of my Year 10 formal!

We were awash in a furious sea of alcohol, I was the G'n'T hero at the bar and our Halida freak Frichot spent most of the time getting down with his bad self on the dance floor. I chatted with the bar staff, more specifically with this 21yr old girl called Vanessa who had made her home in Hanoi for the last three years. Much in the same vein as the night before, the lights came on early at the Funky Buddha meaning that we were required migrate up the street to a new abode. On this morning Vanessa assisted us in continuing the session at some joint that was familiar to her but for the life of me I can’t remember the name of. I only know that at some point Frichot disappeared for a long while, a few days later I found out that he’d crashed out in the bathroom for most of this MIA time. As the morning wore on and I got my ‘flirt on’  and we drank ourselves to a point where the hangover from the previous night had looped the clock and caught up with us again. It was right there that we needed to bid all comers adieu and we stumbled out into the streets where Vanessa had organised a mate of hers to give us a lift home. It was kind of amusing waking up the staff at the Hanoi Elegance sometime close to 4am and them looking at us like we were the worlds greatest piss heads, priceless in any language.

Hanoi - The Rock Star and the Invisible Man

Hanoi (Vietnam)
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Air Asia got us into Hanoi at about 9:00am. It was the first time that I’d seen Hanoi from the air as previous arrivals/departures had been in the dark, it was amazing to witness the tapestry of rice fields, high banks, raised dirt roads and small towns/villages right up until almost a couple of minutes before landing. I mean, it’s a typically South-East Asian scene and if anyone was to ask me how I’d imagine the surrounds of your stereotypical city/town, then this would be it, but with that said, this is also the capital, a city with an estimated population of 6.5million and a place that PWC has estimated will be THE city with the highest GDP growth from 2008-2025. Hanoi is going to be coming along just swimmingly by all accounts.

We disembarked pretty swiftly, make our way through customs, picked up our bags and headed out into the arrivals terminal. For some of the complaints that I’ve read online about Hanoi airport I’ve simply got to say that they’re unwarranted. These Commie’s are swift, efficient and even occasionally have smiles on their faces? How different are they to our bogan knob jockeys back home are seem to be harbouring a persistent grudge against who knows what exactly?

The Hotel Elegance 3 had kindly arranged a pick-up from the airport and as we shot off down the main road into Hanoi, our hangovers lingering and our cloudy minds dissipating slightly, it all became familiar to me. I’d been on the same road nearly two years earlier to the day, and that time, just as I was now, simply amazed and also made me slightly wary of the F1 type of manoeuvring of all vehicles, plus their penchant to use their horns the moment a fly brushed their windscreen. The pace is hectic, chaotic, and yet it's also kind of organic. Cars move wildly but they get to where they’re going in one way or another. As I’ve discussed previously, the hierarchy on the roads here are cars first, bikes/scooters second, all else third. The bigger you are, the more advantages you have and the more rights you acquire. It's the law of the urban jungle.

Crossing the Red River and driving into the centre of Hanoi and into the Old Quarter proper I remembered exactly why I fell for this place the last time I was here. It’s quaint, gritty, charming and vibrant in what appears to be a perpetual state of chaos, albeit some type of well crafted or orchestrated chaos. The building are unfamiliar to my Western senses, they’re not very wide but usually a few storeys tall, the reason of which I’ve come to discover are purely for tax purposes. The wider the building, evidently, the more tax that you’re required to pay. Perhaps the concept of strata title hasn't quite made it to Hanoi as yet, and really, how can you be allowed to box compartments or lots of air anyway?

We entered the Hanoi Elegance 3 at about 10:30am. A great looking hotel, and friendly staff which we noticed immediately. An energetic member of staff, Autumn was her name, greeted us and then provided us with a run down of the standard formalities. It’s at that point that I notice what would be a mild annoyance for me over the next few weeks. This girl is talking to us both, apparently, but is fully locked into Jet’s appearance. I could have danced naked and she would not have averted her eyes an iota. As I’m answering questions she’s responding but looking straight at Jet. This sensation  I dubbed the ‘Rockstar & Invisible Man Syndrome’ . At this point I placed it down to a once off scenario, you know, the girls' intrigued, it’s all good, but ladies and gentlemen no, this was nothing in comparison to what was to follow over the next few weeks!!
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In any case, The Rockstar and I settle into our room for a few hours. It’s very comfortable, large and more than great value for the price that we’d paid. Both of us crash out for a few hours, coming to terms with another flight and sleeping off the remains of the long evening before. Later in the afternoon the both of us smarten up and we hit the pavement, hanging a left and walking up Hang Bong St towards Hoan Kiem lake. It’s now that the Freakshow reality kicks into overdrive. Every person that we pass is looking, staring, pointing at my man Frichot like he’s some kind of superstar.

Typical street scape - Hanoi - Vietnam

For some Hanoi traffic action check out the link HERE (link on!)

 As we walk people either laugh, wave, give him the big thumbs up or request photos. Seriously, that first walk ended up being kind of nuts. We walked all the way up Hang Bong road and settled into a large, stylish café on Hoan Kiem lake. The opportunity to get one of those famous Vietnamese coffee’s into me was one that I wasn’t prepared to wait for.

Vietnamese coffee, beats all countries hands down

As a side note, for those unaccustomed to Vietnamese coffee, let me say this. It’s strong, has a hell of a lot of flavour and is usually served with a certain amount of sweetened condensed milk that when stirred through the coffee makes it one of my favourite brews/drinks of all time. It’s really that good. As I start downing my coffee and my mind starts drifting off to other thoughts and places one of the staff turns up out our table and asks for a photo with Jet.This kid is famous already and hasn't sold one album in Vietnam, yet.

As the sun drops on our first evening in Hanoi we cruised the streets, doing a fair amount of souvenir shopping before wondering into Minh’s Jazz bar for several drinks and some dinner. We had walked in before any band had made their way onto the stage but the place had a funky vibe going on already, like there was a weight of laid back grooves that somehow remained after the tunes had disappeared. We continued to drink, getting more into the spirit of this trip with every moment. This also transformed into our dinner stop for the evening, which overall was pretty good as well, although the staff had some real difficulties with interpreting what our request for ‘bread’ was. Explanations of sandwiches, baguettes, miming eating a sandwich in the end got us nowhere. Slightly exasperated I put it to the guy that he should go and ‘Google it’ in order to get the picture.I know, maybe I should have picked up a few words in Vietnamese , would have made things easier.

Minh's Jazz Bar - Hanoi - Vietnam

Not quite three sheets to the wind but definitely feeling cheery, my memory map in play, I directed us to the main bar area of Hanoi that I recalled from previous exploits. Starting at a place called the Red Lounge, which was kind of engaging but had an atmosphere of an old age home, we moved down Ta Hien street until we found a place called the Funky Buddha. Now this place was ‘Da Shiz’ , the tunes that were being dropped by the female DJ were freakin’ awesome, it was some type of upbeat electro dance/trance type of sound. Not something that I thought  I’d get into but I/we certainly did. Jet was obviously in his element and he was on the dance floor cutting moves for most of the night. I was happy to get a little lost in my mind and drink most of the night away. It was fantastic.

Frichot and his 'Groovethang' - The Funky Buddha - Hanoi

Yeah, whatever - Funky Buddha - Hanoi

As the lights came on towards the end of the evening we managed to hit a couple of bars before we stumbled into another joint that was thankfully open and were more than accommodating in that they kindly made us a few batches of spring rolls at about 3:00am. So there we were, in the backstreets of the Old Quarter, fairly tanked by this staged and taking up residence at the bar with the staff, sharing spring rolls and talking absolute gibberish, it was fantastic. Somehow my guidance system was still in operation by the time we left the last watering hole for that morning and we managed to make it back to our abode at something like 4am! A sign of things to come perhaps? There's no perhaps there my friend, it was going to happen for sure!

Rockstar or Karate Kid, you be the judge - Old Quarter, 4am - Hanoi

Hanoi, a great place to chill!

What type of 'Hanoi Moment' was this? Our eyes might give away the secret!