It's a wrap - USA/Mexico

18 February - 13 March 2011

As has become standard for me when I've ended a trip I've taken to doing a last summary or a 'greatest hits' review whenever I managed to complete the final entry on the 'how, why, when and whatever else may have been alcohol related' blog series of my most recent escapades. Sticking with tradition and therefore adopting the same template that I've used in the past, see also;

[Morocco-Europe wrap - June/July 2008]

[Laos wrap - April 2009]

[Vietnam-Malaysia wrap - December/January 2009/10]

[Europe-Morocco-South America wrap - June-December 2010]

I bring you the close out of the USA/Mexico experience (yeah we didn't quite make Canada eh!)  within my still continuing domain of Life in a year full of Saturdays, which in it's 'Live' context comes to an end at the completion of this particular wrap up although a different incarnation will appear sometime down the track. Also look out for Reflections in a stream of consciousness which will follow on from where this wrap ends and will basically be a catch up on quite a few places that I was unable to write about whilst chasing my year of endless Saturdays...but for right now we have;

USA-Mexico - 'The Final'

Favourite places:

1. Mexico City (Mexico) - You know I don't even know if Mexico City was actually that great a place!? I'd heard about the rampant drug related crimes and related sketchy activity, I'd read that our government advisory agent was warning people against travel to all parts of Mexico and yet when we got there it was 'none of the above'. The people were quite warm, the food was fantastic and the Hostal Regina was, to quote a line from Man v.Food,  'da bomb diggity'. Obviously we were lucky with the people that we met there but sometimes that's all you need in order for a place to go from good to great. Also, Teotihuacan is only an hour or so drive out of the city and has to be rated as one of the world's greatest sites and sights! That counts for something.

The Zócalo as seen from torre latinoamericano - Mexico City - Mexico

Mexico City - Mexico

2. Mazatlan (Mexico) - Frichot would probably debate me on this one and I'm sure he would rather have seen Tijuana in this spot. Truthfully we could have made much more out of Mazatlan but it didn't work that way. For a place that has a gritty, colonial style old town, a fantastic beach where you can look out over the Pacific whilst watching the sun drop and consume copious amounts of your favourite beverage in the process, as well as it's proximity to 20kms of coastline with uninterrupted golden sand beach, well this for me has got to come in second.

Mazatlan - Mexico

Mazatlan - Mexico

3. Las Vegas (USA) - A 24hour party city where you can literally go nuts whenever you feel the urge. If you're on form then Las Vegas will already have been notified and will be waiting with bated breath to take you down!

The Luxor - Las Vegas - Nevada - USA

Las Vegas - Nevada - USA

4. Tijuana (Mexico) - This place once was great, not so much anymore but one again the people that we met along the way just made it cool.

Tijuana - Mexico

Most Surprising:

I think from the perceptions and the general propaganda sold to us by our government and western news feeds Mexico in general was surprising and therefore as a place Mexico City won the day for me. I could quite easily have spent an additional week there in order to discover both its present and past in all forms and facets.

Mexico City - Mexico

Coolest place for a night out:

1. Las Vegas (USA) - Mr 24*7 will take your nights and then raise you your days. The options and opportunities in Vegas are endless. All things debaucherous originate here and for most people it's where they want to leave them before they head back for home. Too much fun but remember to get yourself a decent loan before landing here, you'll need it!

New York, New York casino - Las Vegas - Nevada - USA

2. Los Angeles (USA) - I think that if you know the deal or the right crowd in LA then it can be a hell of a fun place to have a great night. We spent a great night on Sunset the first night we were in town and had heard of quite a few other places before we left that we should have tried but just didn't have the chance to take down. Once massive problem though, curfew kicks in at 1:30am - there is absolutely no alcohol sold after that time. You either hit the road and head for home or end up drinking Dr. Pepper in some all night diner.

Frichot on Sunset Boulevard - Los Angeles - California - USA

3. Tijuana (Mexico) - Walking down Revolucion in the centre of TJ you can imagine that way that this place use to be back in its heyday. Many places have closed but with that said there are still quite a few joints open and once you're in it's inevitable that  a tequila bottle will find it's way to you and 'somehow' a way that it will get tipped upside down by your new found friend - just note that hours later that 'somehow' you need to find your way home.

Yeah, that cost all of $3.00 - Tijuana - Mexico

Best accommodation:

Without question the Hostal Regina in Mexico City. It's hands down the best hostel that I've stayed at. It's enormous, it's extremely clean, it's close to the centre of town but most importantly it's the staff that makes this place amazing. Rather than being just 'staff' they actually got to be friends within just the few days that we stayed there. I don't know how they managed it but they seemed to know all their guests by their first names. If ever you're in Mexico City then stay here, you'll have a hell of a time.

Hostal Regina - Mexico City - Mexico

Everyone say 'hammered!' - Hostal Regina - Mexico City - Mexico

Best place to get totally lost:

1. Las Vegas (USA) - Any time of day or night this place is operational. You can lose your money, mind and a lot of time and not worry about where you are or where you're staying. As long as you have the internal fortitude then you can try and match Las Vegas, the king of 24*7.

Las Vegas - it'll beat you...trust me!

2. Tijuana (Mexico) - When a guy comes up to you and says, 'Hey do you want something? Girls, massage, donkey shows?' then you know that getting lost might eventuate in some type of experience that you didn't quite anticipate.

Welcome! We have everything you want and many things that you don't

3. Mazatlan (Mexico) - 20kms of sandy Pacific coast beaches on its doorstep, unbelievable sunsets and a cool old town make this a place that you could easily loose yourself in for a week.

Mazatlan - Mexico

Best place to drink and get totally lost:

1. Las Vegas (USA) - Seriously you 'could' actually lose the shirt off your back here and it would be a valid scenario. Nothing more needs to be said.

2. Tijuana (Mexico) - Drink and go to a donkey show, I dare you! Then I dare you to make it back to your hotel with your wallet in tow.

3. Mexico City (Mexico) - I blame Hostal Regina for allowing Mexico City to make it to my top three. There are times when I wished I 'had' lost my room key, would have made for a more convincing story with some people.

Best drink:

1. Red Trolley (Karl Strauss Brewing Company) - Universal City - Los Angeles (USA)

A great medium-bodied beer with heavyweight malts. From what they say on their site it's brewed with a half tonne of caramelized malts for a rich copper colour and toffee flavour...and yeah, it's tasty!

2. Vanilla Cappuccino - Any Oxxo location in Mexico

An Oxxo is pretty much like a 7-11, just that there's 100 times more of them in any Mexican City. These coffees were our saving grace day in and day out. A post hangover recovery in a country where a cafe was more than a chore to find, this caffeinated thing of beauty was 'the fix'.

3. Tequila - Mexico City (Mexico)

It's ubiquitous isn't it? Think Mexico and you think tequila! I'm sure the tequila that we had in Mexico City wasn't even very good but when mixed with a party atmosphere well, it just made it dynamite.

Best meal:

1.Torta de chorizo - A hole in the wall shop - Avenida Mesones - Mexico City (Mexico)

Jet didn't try this out but there was a great little hole in the wall place on Avenida Mesones that made the BEST tortas (basically a type of sandwhich made from a unique style of bread). They place some spicy chorizo mince on a grill, laid some cheese over it, covered it with avocado and a few other items, then 'hey presto', a sandwhich of magnificence. It was simple, elegant and my way of starting each day (or was it afternoon) in Mexico City.

 
2. Down on the beach - Mazatlan (Mexico)

Another fiesta of simplicty. Swordfish, grilled prawns and a simple salad. I think the salt from the ocean had a lot to do with it but when you're chilling on a beach with a great meal and beer in hand, what else do you really need?

Tough living here in Mazatlan - Mexico

 
3. Buffalo wings - Malgard Public House - Melrose Avenue, Los Angeles (USA)

These things were just damn tasty. The right amount of spice and taste which in turn got carried along with a few medium bodies ales. I think Frichot would probably debate me on this and add Mel's diner on Sunset as number three on this list. Actually, I think his top three here would be quite different and from what I know he probably would have gone in the following manner;

The Melgard Public House - Melrose Ave - Los Angeles - California - USA

 
Frichot's top meals
 
1. Buffalo wings - Mel's diner - Sunset boulevard - Los Angeles (USA)
I think he has to remember that he was 'a lot' a drunk when we arrived here and that anything at this point would have served him justice. 

Mel's diner - Sunset Strip - Los Angeles - California - USA

2. Jack in the box - Tropicana Ave - Las Vegas (USA)

A great mixture of size, grease and good 'ole fashioned burger technology. I can understand why this would have made the Frichot top three.

 
3. Johnny Rockets - Melrose Avenue - Los Angeles (USA)
We got into the chilli cheese fries big time and these guys did it right. Their shakes were damn good also.

Johnny Rocket's - Melrose Ave - Los Angeles - California

My guilty pleasure
 
The burrito hot dog - Pink's Hot Dogs - Cnr of Melrose Ave & La Brea Ave - Los Angeles (USA)
Two hot dogs, in a tortilla, filled with chilli, cheese, sour cream and all other things that could deliver a heart attack with four bites. It was just way too much but 'oh so good' for the journey. 

Pink's Hotdogs - Los Angeles - USA

Best bars
 
1. Rainbow bar - Sunset Boulevard - Los Angeles (USA)
We had a great time here and it was our first night out on the trip. In terms of the type of bar it was, well, it was actually quite plain. I mean it did have a type of 'hidden' upstairs section that acted as a bit of a novelty and it is a well known haunt of Lenny from Motorhead - which is part of the reason why Frichot loved it. In my estimation the venue itself, I thought, was average but we met a few people, had fun and Frichot met his first celebrity, Ron Jeremy. 

The Rainbow Bar - Sunset Strip - Los Angeles - USA

 

2. The Viper bar - Tijuana (Mexico)

A fairly plain bar that played some fantastic rock/grunge/punk music and had a great crowd. We were on the look out for something just like this and it delivered in spades. How can you go wrong with 1.2 litre bottles of beer for $1.50!?

The Viper bar - Tijuana - Mexico

 

3. The Snake Pit - Melrose Ave - Los Angeles (USA) & The Melgard Public House - Melrose Ave - Los Angeles (USA)

These two places were located a few mins walk from one another on the same road. The Snake Pit was a great 'local' to have in terms of it's proximity to the Orbit Hostel and the Melgard had a great range of beer, great food and a French-Canadian publican that had intellect oozing out of his chosen stance of elegant silence.

The Melgard Public House - Melrose Avenue - Los Angeles - USA

The Snake Pit - Melrose Ave - Los Angeles - USA

 

Best video

 

The drunk cab ride in Los Angeles takes this one out. This was our ride home, or rather our attempted ride home whilst we zig-zagged up Sunset boulevard. Somewhere along the way Frichot made the call that some exotic entertainment might fit the bill nicely, and well, the end result was this

 

[Drunk ride on Sunset]

 

Favourite/best photos

1. On a Greyhound, between Los Angeles & Las Vegas

Again, this is one of those scenarios where it may not necessarily be the best but it's the one that always catches my eye. I actually really like the relection in the mirror and therefore the implied transience.

2. On the beach in Mazatlan - Mexico

The elements here are cool. I took better photos in Mazatlan in terms of framing but the colours of the sky in this photo sell it everytime.

3. The Joshua Tree - Mojave desert - California - USA

 

Anything that reminds me of U2 is going to hit a sentimental mark with me. This is one of those times where I wish I was able to lose the reflection in the bus mirror but eh, 'it still goes good'.

4. View of Teotihuacan from the pyramid of the moon - Mexico

An amazing place, what more do you need to say?

5. Frichot pulls a LA sign - Los Angeles - USA and a 'Punch buggy' - Mexico City - Mexico

Frichot 'cooling it out' with his LA sign.

This is so typically Mexico City that it just has to make the cut.





Best shot taken by someone that's not me

Me on top of the pyramid of the sun - Teotihuacan - Mexico

Can't argue about this, when you ask someone to take a photo for you then you kind of hope that they might be able to pull off a decent show like this.

 

Coolest moments

 

1. Standing atop the Pyramid of the Sun - Teotihuacan - Mexico

It's a place that I'd always wanted to go to and just setting foot in the complex got me emotional for 1.5 seconds (I can be such a girl sometimes). Climbing to the top of the highest (legally climable pyramid in the world), taking in the view in 360 and experiencing that with a great friend, well it just made for a cool moment.

  Pyramid of the Moon - Teotihuacan - Mexico

2. The confetti assasinations - Hostal Regina - Mexico City (Mexico)

This night commenced as a pathetic little pinata construction class in the foyer or the Hostal and turned into a wet rag throwing tequilathon which somehow turned into a confetti war (which I may have instigated). It's rare for so many friendly and cool people to be in one piss weak class at the same time but that's the way it eventuated. When your night closes out at 5am the general rule is that you've had a decent night.

The confetti assasinations - Hostal Regina - Mexico City - Mexico

 

3. Lucha libre - Arena Mexico - Mexico City (Mexico)

I thought this night was going to end with me slashing my wrists from boredom. Seriously, it commenced with a wrestling bout that looked as though a bunch of Mexico City accountants had got together and had one too many short blacks...but as the beer flowed and the night progressed I found myself getting into the theatre, the mayhem and excitement of the crowd. I cheered for everyone, just because I could. We then followed up the Lucha libre night back at Hostal Regina with a Mexican cooking class, and...wait for it ....many tequila shots!

It could be something desperately seedy or it could just be the after affects of the lucha libre

 

Honorary cool moment:

 

Now this wasn't a cool moment for me but it was cool in the sense that I'm sure for Jet it was the cherry that landed on top of the ice cream that was the trip. I don't know how or why it happened but Jet met the leading singer of Suicidal Tendencies, Mike Muir at LAX and then we were lucky enough to take a couple of snaps with him at Brisbane airport.

 

Now that's cool! Frichot & Mike Muir - Brisbane airport - Australia

Sketchiest moments

 

1. Frichot and his impromptu 'USA is gay' song - Avenida Revolucion - Tijuana (Mexico)

When you're in the heart of Tijuana the border with the USA is probably only 1-2 kms away. Our first night in Tijuana none too surprisingly involved a night of drinking which in turn involved a stop at a local hot dog cart. I knew Frichot was on fire when he started taking down hotdog after hotdog, six in all. At the completion of his six set and inspired by his surroundings Jetson came up with an impromptu song entitled, 'USA is gay' - and he just went for it, over and over. Somehow he acquired a roving guitarist to accompany him, a crowd of about 15 Mexicans, inclusive of the hot dog vendor that was now grooving to his dulcet tunes. The 'problem' arose when a native of San Diego took exception to his lyrics and started to go mental as to why this 'English guy' would want to say such a thing about his homeland. For a few moments we both thought that we would be having a fight on our hands, not a great result when the outcome would have been a night in a Mexican prison. Somehow I got around to calming the guy the down and apologising for our alcohol inspired antics.

It started with something totally innocent like this!

 

2. Crossing the border - Tijuana (Mexico)

It wasn't so much sketchy as it was dodgy. We disembarked and literally walked to the frontier without so much as a sideways glance from anyone. No visa, no entry stamp, nothing that could possibly acknowledge that we'd entered Mexico. We paid for it too. Weeks later in Mexico City, trying to make our escape, we paid for the Mexican's lack of border security.

That's the exit on the Mexican side of the Mexico/USA border

 

3. The Mummy Ride - Universal Studios - Los Angeles (USA)

This was actually hilarious for me but then again I'm a lover of roller coasters. Somehow I had coaxed Frichot to getting on this ride (a man that despises coasters)...you do the maths now. What made this 'sketchy' was the fact that the coaster took off into total and utter darkness, it was pitch black and all you could figure out was that the coaster was moving at a rate of knots and dropping away from under your rear end. Frichot screamed like a little girl on his first ride, it was absolutely brilliant!

 

Uncoolest moment:

 

Well you can read about it in detail here if you'd like [The Project] - not being able to get on our flight back to Los Angeles and encountering such impolite imbeciles all over the airport just made for one draining, bitch of an evening.

Frichot in despair back at Hostal Regina after one crappy evening

 

Best comeback:

 

1. Every day on our trip after crossing the border

We were fiscally struggling each and every day after crossing the border in Mexico. We were waying up our options almost daily, one of which was me heading back to Los Angeles and heading for home so that Frichot could continue on. With some skill, dexterity and assistance from Warren we managed to make it all through Mexico and back home.

 

2. Frichot climbing to the top of the Pyramid of the Sun - Teotihuacan (Mexico)

On the 'bad side' of a hangover and violent food poisoning Frichot had been vomiting like continuously like a fountain in Hyde Park. Not only was he not at the top of his game health wise but it was an agonisingly hot day for anyone on 'hangover recovery duty'. Somehow, I'm not quite sure how, through will and determination, this guy made the climb with me - now that's a comeback.

 

3. The Dutch girls re-return - Hostal Regina - Mexico City (Mexico)

Frichot had been tuning in a pair of Dutch girls who had kindly visited our hostel on the night of the infamous Lucha Libre. Somewhere during the evening Jet disappeared back to our room as his food poisoning took a violent turn. Making my way down to check on our hero I asked him if there was anything I could do for him, 'Sure' was his response, 'Bring those two Dutch girls down for me'. Now I don't know what it was I said or what spin I must have given those two ladies but for some reason I did manage to get them back to the room for our hero in waiting - unfortunately my good work was wasted, there was nothing Jet could do when they arrived, he was totalled! 

 

Total number of  bus rides - 5

Total number of flights - 3

Distance travelled in kms - 30012 k

Number of times Frichot stuck his tongue out when a photo was being taken of him  - 78

There we have it, USA/Mexico all wrapped up. Kind of sad for me now in the sense that Life in a year full of Saturdays in a 'live' sense comes to an end, unfortunately reality has that lousy knack of catching up with you. As I mentioned at the start of this write up my Reflections in a stream of consciousness will look at a few of the places that I missed writing about whilst I was away last year, i.e., Madrid, Colonia de Sacramento, Mendoza, Bariloche & Sucre.

For right now I'm at the point where I need to dream it all up again. New name, new places to see and new people to meet. For the moment I have the idea that finishing off what I left behind in South America is what I need to do, so the aim will be to head back there in December/January this year and take on Argentina, Brazil & Peru.

If any of you feel like joining me then let me know - it's going to be a blast!

Los Angeles - 72 suburbs in search of a city

12 MAR - 13 MAR 2011

It was somewhere close to 9pm when we finally detached ourselves from the customer and immigration road block at LAX and walked out into a brisk evening, our feet now planted on terra firma knowing full well that we had escaped the clutches of a Mexican conspiracy that aimed at keeping us in the country solely to break our will and lighten our peso load. Standing at the cab rank for only a moment or two I was kind of glad that we were heading back home on the morrow. Not for the fact that I didn't enjoy Mexico, far from it, but for the simple fact that Los Angeles as the glitz and glamour town that exists in most of our minds does not equate to the actual reality of the situation. I read a quote in the Alaskan Airlines inflight magazine by American satirist/poet Dorothy Parker regarding her perception of Los Angeles that seemed to be incisively apt, 'Los Angeles was a place of 72 suburbs in search of a city'. Reading that  was non too surprising as in my previous three visits to LA I'd never truly been able to get a feel for the place. It's decentralised, detached, somewhat vacant and a little soulless. I'm sure that there are cool places out there, and I'm sure that if you knew the place it would be fun but as an outsider, well it kind of bores me. There's no easy fix for you to find, there's no beating heart and if you need to get anywhere then good luck attempting to do it without a car.  I explained my perceptions of Los Angeles to the Russian taxi driver that we inherited for the 40min drive from the airport to the Orbit Hostel on Melrose Avenue. He chuckled at the Dorothy Parker line I quoted to him and said that he agreed with me, then when I pressed him on a few more questions regarding his life in Los Angeles he became strangely ambivalent. Not an uncommon trait for Russians I must say! You know I've never ever heard them speak glowingly of any place or anything unless referring to the 'famous' borscht and blini's of their hometown, even if that hometown may be located somewhere like Yakutsk in North Eastern Siberia. Listening to his accent and his odd take on Americans in general I thought back to a character in a Tom Clancy book that I had read years earlier, Rainbow 6. One of the main protagonists in that book was a Russian cab driver whose sole aim was to attack a government building in NYC with a biohazard agent. It kind of felt for those few moments that it wouldn't take a lot for this disillusioned soul to flip the crazy switch and go all bio-terrorism on our arses! In the end I was just thankful that he got us to our destination.

 Early evening LA arrival - bright lights, decentralised city

 Settling in at Melgard Public House - Melrose Ave - Los Angeles - USA

Settling in at the Orbit that evening it felt as though we had been away from LA for months. In actual fact it had only been three weeks but it felt like a hell of a long time. Somewhat beaten by our experience the previous day and perhaps a little weary from the full-scale project that we needed to undertake just to make it into LA on this day we headed down the road a few blocks to Melgard Public House for a few quite ales and some decent food. Now this is a place that I can get behind. A comfortable scene without blaring music and a French-Canadian publican who was typically understated but who you knew could outsmart, outwit and out talk you on just about any issue you chose to bring up if he was in the mood to do so. As Jet and I sat at the bar drinking away in quiet reflection of our deeds over the past 3-4 weeks, and as Jet  also contemplated whether he could in fact manage to sit at the bar with a virulent strain of Mexican travel bug playing havoc with his bowels, we checked out the first reports of an earthquake that had just taken place in Japan. As you know, breaking news is always kind of sketchy but when I first saw the magnitude reading of the quake, an 8.9!!!, I kind figured immediately that a major catastrophe was now in progress. Bits and pieces of images came in as we were sitting there but the most striking was a live broadcast of one of the several tsunami's that rolled in over the north-east coast of Japan. The 'as-it-happens' telecast was disarming in terms of what you knew it meant. We witnessed in real time the force and power of a natural event that you knew would be taking lives in those very same moments. It seemed to be perversely voyeuristic and confronting all at once. Helicopters were zooming in on people and vehicles trying to outrun the wave but who tragically were getting caught in the onslaught. Essentially we were witnessing the last moments of life for many people...it was fucked.

 Melgard Public House - Melrose Ave - Los Angeles - USA

 Another favourite on Melrose Ave - The Snake Pit

The Snake Pit - Melrose Ave - Los Angeles - USA

Frichot and I headed back to the Orbit that evening in a strangely sombre mood. I don't recall that we said alot other than Frichot pointing out that he was in quite a hurry to make it back to base camp otherwise he'd breaching the constraints of his Dickies in a most unpleasant manner. I immediately picked up the pace in aid of satisfying both his comfort levels and his dignity.

The next day we were amazingly hangover less! I mean that really does warrant an exclamation mark and all because I can't remember the last point  in time on this trip where that  hadhappened. Heading out somewhere close to noon we took a bus up to Hollywood and strolled around for a while, just kind of killing time more than anything else. Jet managed to find a store that had a shirt that he really loved but didn't have his size - good news however, there was an outlet at Universal City that might just be able to cater for a man with three weeks of Mexican fiesta lovin' in his belly. Considering that we were also throwing up the idea of catching Battle LA on it's opening day then the idea of heading to Universal to close out our last afternoon on this trip seemed apt.

 An All-star showdown on Hollywood Boulevard

 On our way to Universal City

Up at Universal Frichot did actually find the shirt that he was looking for, that was the good news. The bad news was our decision to watch Battle LA. It was a shaky-cam fiesta of cheesy lines, indiscriminate and haphazard explosions, a storyline that line that was stolen from the pathetic annals of Independence Day with an 'Oh Captain my captain' moment thrown in to boot that made you feel blatantly embarrased for both yourself and everyone in the audience. at that moment I don't get it though, a concept like this can actually work I think. I watched District 9 just the other day and whilst this isn't a classic film either there was enough in it in terms of themes and concepts to make it both entertaining and stimulating. That good guy v. bad alien garbage in movies such as Battle LA and Independence Day just do my head in. I know what you may be thinking, with Battle LA I probably should have known better but hey, it was our last day and it was the second time that we'd watched a movie on our last day of a holiday thus setting in stone a ritual that we'll obviously look to follow in years to come.

City Loft in Universal City

 City of Angels - it's all in the detail

Finishing in the early evening we strolled back down into Universal City and acquired ourselves a few Red Trolley ales at one of the bars on Universal walk. It was a good way to end the day and an ingenious way of getting the bitter taste of Battle LA out of my mouth. As sure as the beers were over and done however we were checking out the 'count down' clock for the V Australia flight back home and realising in our post beverage glow that we needed to make haste.

Some three 'moderately' eventful hours latter, ones that involved several modes of transport ,we were at the V Australia check-in counter ready to jump the flight back home. As we made our way through what felt like the 'striptease' security stop, seriously it's a flurry of belts, shoes, socks, jackets and all other clothing items, we arrived at our check-in gate with time to spare and no immigration hassles. This we hoped was going to be the 'cream cheese' of boarding rituals and thankfully that's the way it ended up.

Now over the past few months Jet for some reason has been bringing up the virtues of Suicidal Tendencies with me more often than I 'use to' mention the virtues of Steve Waugh. Either in passing or more directly he'd ask me 'Have you heard of (such and such) song' or 'Did you know Mike Muir did this or did you know that Mike Muir did that?' - mostly my response to those questions was often 'Mate, I have no clue as to who Mike Muir even is'. So it was with an odd sense of sweet seredipity that when we arrived at the check-in gates that Jet scanned our fellow flight companions and said to me, 'Hey, that guy looks like Mike Muir, I'm sure it is'. Now let me say this, Jet sometimes gets his celebrity sightings wrong and knowing this I simply said, 'Hey, if you think it's him then you should go up and say hello'. As Jet walks off I thought it was a 10-1 shot that it was actually the dude that Jet thought it was but when I saw his face light up I kind of figured out that he hit is mark. Some 14 hours later in Brisbane after a flight that bounced us across the Pacific with 7hours of non-stop turbulence I actually got to meet good 'ole Mike. I was honest with the guy, I just said 'Hey, my friend likes you but I honestly don't really know who you are', his response to that 'Yeah, most days I don't know who I am either!'...I know what you mean Mike, I know what you mean.

 Jet with Mike Muir - lead singer of Suicidal Tendencies - Brisbane Airport

 This sign has nothing to do with the relative size of appendages

A few hours out of Brisbane we were back in Sydney on a bright sunny Sunday afternoon. This trip had been a hell of a lot of fun, we'd been to some amazing places and met a lot of great people. The only problem was that as soon we were out of the terminal I was already thinking ahead and promising myself to 'set the date' for my return to South America in December. So Argentina, Brazil and Peru, get ready because I have an encore that needs to take place and I'm coming back with my own audience in tow!

Mexico City - The Project

11 MAR - 12 MAR 2011

There's a couple of fundamental truths that you always carry around with yourself as a business analyst. At the start of any project you really need to define what the hell it is that you're doing, the purpose of the project and whether the purpose for which your time is being utilised is really at all fundamental to the overall strategy of the business. Then when you actually get to the point where you realise that the project is in play and you progress to nutting out what the requirements are and strictly defining them, your objective is to make sure that the requirements are clear, specific, measurable and valuable to the project outcome. If you do this successfully at the start of a project then aside from the inevitable road blocks and the occasional twist and turn that you'll encounter you should be in a 'der, winning' position. Then however there's the path that I more often than not chose, the lackadaisical, casual position where I accepted most any requirement on the proviso that people would stop whining to me about their pathetic lives. This was and is a problem. Over time as the cone of uncertainty widens you realise that the end game result of your lack of interest will come at a price and you will  be subject to burning questions of  your own self realisation and harsh accussations by the business. Questions such as what the hell is it that I'm doing and where did all that money go are not what you ever want to hear. As we crossed the border in Tijuana a few weeks earlier I had both the devil business analyst and the angelic business analyst fighting it out on my shoulders for supremacy.

Leaving Hostal Regina on what should have been our last day - Mexico City - Mexico

Hostal Regina - Mexico City - Mexico

The trigger point for the DEFCON 5 alert that went off in my head was the moment that we stepped off the bus and started walking down a poorly lit alley to the smokey, buzzing and slightly shady streets of TJ. I stopped perhaps 50 metres away from the turnstile like gate that signalled the frontier and commented to Frichot, 'Hey, we don't have an entry stamp, nor do we even know if we require a visa, we should probably ask someone'. So we turned on our heels and marched back to the border post that seemed to be suprisingly fluid in terms of their tolerance for the free and easy movement of people across the border. We did however manage to find an immigration official after several minutes and in turn asked him of our requirements. As the guy took a swig from his tequila bottle and spoke to us in that inimitable Mexican style, with its cantering rhythm and low drawn rumble on any word that contained an 'r' he explained the following. For Tijuana no entry stamp or visa was required but for travel further afield we would need a tourist visa which could be acquired at a cost of 220 pesos, the equivalent of $18AUD. Quickly processing the information I decided that the visa wouldn't be worthwhile and as silly as it may sound I had perfect reasoning. At the time our travels plans had us enterining TJ and then leaving back for LA in several days time in order to fly across the country to New York, also, our budget was being battered by excessive alcohol consumption, so a dollar saved at this point was going to be a dollar that we'd be able to consume in any friendly TJ bar. Ah yes, little was I to know at this point that the scope of our very own project was shifting and that with increasing subtlety our requirements were changing also.

Roll forward a couple of weeks to the foyer of Hostal Regina where I was planning to purchase plane tickets from Mexico City back to Tijuana (which would have been the right decision by the way). Jumping onto skyscanner I was just about to lock in Aeromexico flights to TJ when Patrick suggested to me that he could get discounted tickets to LA, 'Why not save yourself the hassle and fly direct, avoid the bus ride and in the end it will be CHEAPER'. Oh yeah, his words ring out loud like Big Ben even now. I looked at Frichot who was kind of in his own facebook land at the time and his only response was 'do it'.  I knew right then that the decision to ditch the visa option in Tijuana was going to make the flight out of Mexico an epic affair, and as that damn cone of uncertainty widened I intuitively felt that the cost of our naivety would somehow be paid back with epic outflow of pesos.

Come the day of departure we casually left the hostel after saying our goodbyes and made our way with ease to Benito Juarez, the international airport of Mexico City. Now the rigmarole of checking in, passing through customs and then immigration is always the most boring escapade of any excursion. I always thought that airports could do something a little more ingenious with their methodology, perhaps give out spot prizes for people waiting in those queues of misery or perhaps incorporate theme park roller coaster rides to get you from the check-in queue to your next port of business. Needless to say, the only drama that we encountered at check-in on this occasion was the Aeromexico staff member casually mentioning that our entry cards should be both viewed and then stamped by immigration prior to departure. There was not a hint at a problem at this point, our bags had been sent down the conveyor belt of 'no return' to the flight and was already in the process of sinking  pre-flight martini's with all their other hold luggage companions as we casually stolled away from the counter.

Casually wondering through the terminal - 'It's all cool honey bunny'

After wondering around the airport for an hour we decided to make our way through security, customs and immigration. Even this part of the process was a cruise, up until this point there hadn't been any issue raised at all. In my mind, once we'd jumped through customs and by-passed immigration any reservations that I may have had regarding the lack of visas was immediately alleviated. All we needed to do now was board the flight and sail away into the crimson Mexican evening. Of course that assumption was to be.......WRONG! (insert any buzzer sound you would like here!).

I literally should have read the signs - a 'Hello Mexico' sign on the way out did not bode well!

Sitting outside the boarding gates for a little while our flight opened its gate for boarding approximately 45 mins prior to the departure time. Jet and I traded idle chit chat whilst  standing in line and cheerily making our way to the counter in order to hand over our boarding passes. Then came the question, 'Can I see your immigration papers'. We handed them over. 'Oh sorry sir, you will need to go back to immigration and have these stamped. It's ok, you still have time but you will be required to go through security again'. Now whilst this sounded like just a minor inconvenience that incessant beating drum that had all but disappeared when we casually passed through customs was now pounding in my head like the buena vista social club had all simultaneously taken handfuls of viagra.

Catching an article on the Sydney Morning Herald site just yesterday under a  none too creative headline titled flightmares,  the 'hassled' and 'spurned' writer discusses the impossible and epic struggles that he had encountered whilst attempting to catch flights. All he really was referring to however was a spate of bad connections that he had suffered in his time, something that  easily could have been overcome if  he originally had the foresight to have left several hours between connecting flights rather than 45 mins! The process that we were only just being flung into now however, I think, was more deserved of a flightmare nomination. Casually we walked into the immigration office and asked the surly and kind of inane looking neanderthal to stamp our documents so that we could immediately split for our flight. He looks at us for a moment and mentions something about an entry stamp. I explain in turn that we entered Mexico  via Tijuana and that we were not provided with one at the border. Again he flicks through our passports and locates the entry stamp for the US. Looking skyward for a moment, which in turn could only have meant that he was trying to do some basic arithmetic, he takes out piece of paper, grunts and points to the first line.'¿Qué' I respond. He grunts yet again and points at the first line. I review the piece of paper and realise that he has produced a schedule of fines and he's pointing to the first item on the list, a 1186 peso ($95 AUD) fine for being in the country for 20-30 days without a visa. My immediate response is to argue, it's what I'm good at and what I do in situations such as these. I completely drop any of my basic Spanish that might actually have eased tensions and go into explaining the situation, how customs/immigration at the border was non-existant and how our flight was going to leave in 30 mins. He looks at us in a type of vacant, annoyed manner, grunts yet again whilst point to the fine and then mentions something about going to terminal one. At this point I'm losing my cool a little and I raise my voice, 'what mate, what do you want me to do in terminal one? Is there a party there or something?'.  He's relentless though, he simply pushes the schedule towards me and says 'You pay fine in terminal one'. As the minutes tick away and I realise that a fine is the only way to save us I try the dodgy alternative and offer him a bribe in order to stamp the passport/documents, but this bastard doesn't fold. What I also realise as the minutes tick past is that any opportunity that we may have had to make it back to terminal one in order to pay the fine was lone gone, tracking their and back is a distance and a luxury which we now can't afford. The only shot that we had now, other than bribing this dumb ass was to plead our case back at the boarding gate.

Now really, how ridiculous is this. You can by-pass security, customs and an ignorant immigration official in this airport and make it all the way to the boarding gate only to be told there that you're not compliant with 'regulations'. We managed to make it all the way back to the boarding gate only to be told, guess what!? That we weren't compliant! Ahhhh f*** !! Maybe if I was an attractive 6 foot tall blonde I'd be compliant huh Gomez!?? It was right then and there that I realised that Aeromexico was going to be taking off to LA without us. It was also at that moment that I knew that the money that we had spent for our tickets had just effectively flown out of the country, although I didn't want to mention the fact to Frichot at this point. The only saving grace for us at this moment was that Aeromexico was able to off load our luggage and that we'd be able to pick it up at their outside counters.

The face of complete defeat - Frichot back at the hostel after our painful ordeal

Irritated and disconsolate with a big dose of angry we walked back to the Aeromexico counter and went about adjusting our flights out of the city for the next evening. Again, I knew what was coming here but I intended on playing dumb all the way through. The service rep at the counter looked for flights out the next evening but then hit me with the inevitable line, 'Yes, we can change them but there will be a $200 cost for the itinerary change' ...he paused for a second and then added 'Sorry, that's an adjustment of $200 per ticket'.  I laughed out aloud and said to the guy 'You know, our tickets cost $376 in total, now you're asking us to pay an additional $400 to fly out tomorrow when our flight has already left this evening because of events beyond our control'. He looked at me, shrugged his shoulders and simply said 'Chess' (chess, it's the way that yes sounds in that damn accent that for right at this moment was freakin' annoying).....'Alright Jose where is your manager, I'd like to speak to him'. He explains where I can locate his manager and adds something to me about  a dude that's supposedly  wearing a red tie, that makes the supervisor easily identifiable, apparently!? Either that or he was a little late for a Valentines Day date.

We locate Jose's manager at another Aeromexico counter. He kind of looks like agent Smith out of The Matrix, just less attractive, greasier and oozing arrogance. Before I spoke to the guy I already expected him to be a mammoth tool and boy didn't I read him well off the bat. I slowly and calmly explained our situation to him requesting that Aeromexico do the right thing and either refund the price of the tickets or change our flights to the following evening at no additional cost. This cockhead then proceeds to half lecture me upon our duty as travellers to know of all immigration and visa requirements prior to entry and out of hand dismisses my claims that there was nobody at the border that could have assisted in having our documents stamped (I mean he was kind of right but also kind of not - we passed by initially without anyone stopping us or offering advice). He wraps up his delivery by telling us that Aeromexico would not be willing to absorb any of these costs and that we would need to acquire additional tickets if we wanted to fly out. Now usually at this point I would have flipped my lid and either unleashed a tirade of abuse or jumped the counter and made a quaint noose out of that pansy red tie that he was wearing. I didn't however, even when he deliberately turned his back and ignored my presence I kept it cool. Not sure how I managed that but it happened.

At our wits end and some six hours after leaving Hostal Regina we made our way back to spend another night. We jumped online to acquire tickets to LA for the next afternoon, with Alaska Airlines on this occassion, and vowed to be at the airport five hours prior to our departure time in order to get this damn fine paid and our documents well and truly stamped. None too surprisingly it would take nearly all of the five hours that we placed aside in order to get everything organised. It really was one damn big project.

The following day at the airport started like this, a visit to the immigration counter at terminal 2, scene of the previous evening's showdown with Mr Dimwit. Once there  the same type of conversation commenced with yet another member of staff and then I knew, this day was going to be one epic mission. She explained to us once again that a fine needed to be paid, of which we were already well aware. She then pointed out the banks at which we may pay the fine, the type of authorisation stamp required and the fact that we needed to get to terminal one in order to have our passports/documents stamped also. So we headed off the the bank. As we approached one teller he pointed us out to someone else who inevitably pointed us elsewhere who in turn pointed us to the original teller in order to get an 'all clear' on the fine. That was an hour well spent. We were now required to obtain our itinerary from Alaksa Airlines in order to show immigration that we actually had plans to leave the country today, stop number three on this epic journey.

We wait for the Alaska Airlines counter to open and then in turn wait in line for another hour to obtain our itinerary. Of course we weren't allowed to check-in at this point because we didn't have that vital stamp, something that the retard at the Aeromexico counter could have advised us off prior to wasting all our time waiting at the gate the previous night. In any case with the fine paid and our itinerary in hand we went to immigration in what we thought would be a simple case of stamping a few documents....but oh no, now commenced a whole freakin' production. A litany of documents passed in front of our noses, all requiring signatures, all requiring the signature of some high and statelt immigration official, all requiring a special seal or secret password to be spoken. It was to be 'death by bureaucracy'  for myself and Jet at this point. It must have been another 90 or so mins that we waited idly at the counter before we finally received the all clear from the immigration official and were allowed to proceed back up to check-in.

Finally on the way out

Sunset over the California coastline

It was only after our second round battle with the Alaska Airlines check-in counter that we finally believed that everything was in order and that we'd be heading back to LA. Our slight indiscretion at the border two weeks prior had cost us 24hours and approximately $350. A lesson that had been learnt the hard way!  So with that I give this simple advice to all you travellers out there that may be deliberating as to whether an entry stamp or visa is worth the trouble. If you're ever in that situation just think of a drunk little Mexican man on your shoulder yelling out, 'Hey you're gonna wanna get that visa compañero, we no like proyecto's.' - because inevitably, without that little stamp, you're going to get bent over and ridden like a bad donkey.