Las Vegas (USA)
19 January - 21 January 2017
The moment you exit your aircraft
and hit the end of the aero-bridge at McCarran International Airport in Las
Vegas you literally know that you’re ‘not
in Kansas anymore’, poker machines,
AKA, slot machines align your walk to the baggage carousel. Flashing lights,
carnival sounds, the promise of riches with the strike of a lucky coin. The
allure of Vegas is both pervasive and immediate. For however long you intend to
stay, it will own you and more then, more than likely, you will be owned.
Without question Vegas is all
show but that’s what makes it cool. Certainly it’s not charming. Unashamedly
gaudy and brash, I wouldn’t think that anyone could survive more than 3 days
full-time on the strip. Your senses are cleansed by the constant light and
you’re coerced to forget your natural time clock and just keep going for as
long as your body and will takes you.
Now my question is, What do you do with a non-gambler in
Vegas?
The fear-factor that accompanied
Inga’s visit to Vegas aligned with her equally intense notion of not losing
money. I’m not sure if she fully realised the intensity of this town, you are
gambling immersed for however long you stay. In fact everything attacks you in Vegas,
all vices, all at once from every angle. Your choice to partake or not is solely
the battle you have with your will against the questions that this town
inevitably asks of you.
Being on a budget we decided to
stay at the Motel 6 Las Vegas on East Tropicana. Not quite as bad as it sounds,
just an average, comfortable and clean room. Off the strip but not too far.
So what else is there to do in
Vegas if you don’t gamble? Well, for us there of course was drinking and the
shows.
The shows in Vegas are amazing.
So many top quality attractions competing against each other for your money,
the level of production, the concepts and the talent needed to execute, all
located in relatively small area, has to make this one of the most creative
hot spots around.
Blue Man Group @ the Luxor - Las Vegas - Nevada - USA
Blue Man Group @ the Luxor - Las Vegas - Nevada - USA
So a 'Blue Man' decided to photo bomb us!
Blue Man Group @ the Luxor - Las Vegas - Nevada - USA
Whilst we were there we took in
the Blue Man Group show, which basically
is creative performance art and music. As a production it’s been around since
1987 and the performances are a combination of comedy, theatre, improvisation
and music.
Another one of the great shows we
saw was Zumanity, this is a caberet
style show produced by Cirque de Soleil which had residency at the New York,
New York Casino. Basically it is an ‘adult themed’ show whose central tenets
are erotic song, acrobatics, comedy and dance. A show billed as showing the ‘Sensual side of Cirque de Soleil’, I have to say that both of us found this the
most enjoyable, most creative and just genuinely fun.
The Strip - Las Vegas - Nevada - USA
The Strip - Las Vegas - Nevada - USA
The Strip - Las Vegas - Nevada - USA
But to tell the story of Zumanity
I need to roll back a few hours of that day in particular and take myself to a place that
instigated my deep slide into a disco inferno. An evening within the fire pit
of hell and with pain so intense that I was on the verge of signing up for a
ride to the emergency ward.
Zumanity by Cirque de Soleil @ New York, New York - Las Vegas - Nevada - USA
The place was Diablo’s Cantina, 3770 Las Vegas Blvd.
There was a challenge at Diablo’s that been goading me since my last occasion
in Sin City back in 2011 with Jet. Basically the challenge that I decided to skip out on last time but coaxed myself
into during a YOLO life moment was the Death
Wings Challenge. In this challenge
participants are allowed 20 minutes to consume 20 Death Wings.
Death wings huh? So what is this? Is it like consuming 20 Hot & Spicy wings
from KFC or drinking 10ml of Tobasco straight? F*** No! That stuff is for
complete amateurs. This my friends is the big leagues where the waiver you sign
is to acknowledge that if you die its due
to your own stupidity and based on the understanding that the chance of death
was expressed and fully understood.
THE CHALLENGE: 20 Death
Wings – in 20 minutes.
The wings are served in
Diablo’s Death Sauce, a blend of Ghost Chilli extract and Habanero puree.
Additional assistance –
plastic gloves, milk and napkins. Other than that, it’s all on you.
In all honesty, before I commenced the challenge I
thought that I’d get 1 or 2 into the contest and tap out. Perhaps I should
have, but, I had my fiancée with me and I needed to show a moderate amount of
kahunas, especially with my standard bravado and tolerance for spicy food.
With the clock on I took a swing at contestant #1. The
heat factor was high. Commencing at a 6 but quickly escalating to na 8, I
thought my heat tolerance was going to be like a shooting star, ‘burnt bright, short lived’. Somehow I
pushed onto wing #2, the heat factor
now raged at 9 and capsaicin in the chilli instigated a robust period of
hiccups, my body’s own defence mechanism to stop me from pushing on with this
stupidity, which of course I ignored. Now, with a fire storm raging in my mouth,
my nose running like an open fire hydrant and the factor 50 wild sauce burning
my skin, I was in the midst of a burning torrent of capsaicin torment. Still, I
pushed through and got to wing #4.
This was the point where the pain almost become overwhelming. My urge to push
through was not even close to my desire to quell the burn and it was only by
some ghastly, and unnecessarily opportunistic second wind that I actually made
it to the half way point.
The aggression of the Ghost Chilli extract was terribly
real. It did not f*** around. I made the rational choice and laid down my guns
at the midway point, my honour intact, no desperately flattered but not
hurt. Little did I know however the real
pain that would accompany my ride throughout the night. I was going to get
blindsided!
Heading back to the point that I made earlier on
Zumanity, the production, the comedy and our enjoyment of the show was
tempered, for me, by some extreme heartburn that was no coming on. It was
hitting me in waves, sometimes moderate and occasionally very painful. I tried
to suppress it as best I could and was, for the most part successful. In fact it
wasn’t until we went to our later show, another production by Cirque de Soleil,
based on the music, moved and talent of Michael Jackson, that I was hit with an
extreme level of pain. With my heartburn escalating I now also felt the urge
coming from the back end, and let me tell you know, there’s nothing quite like
that feeling of a Ghost Chilli ring of fire when you’re sitting on the throne. In
the words of Johnny Cash, ‘I fell into a
burning ring of fire, I went down, down, down, And the flames went higher, And
it burns….the ring of fire, the ring of fire’.
I made several returns to the bathroom Luxor bathroom
that evening, on each occasion walking back to the theatre like a pensioner, in
a slow, challenged and in some ways obsolete manner.
A burning escape - McCarran Airport - Las Vegas - Nevada - USA
McCarran Airport - Las Vegas - Nevada - USA
When the Michael Jackson production of One by Cirque de Soleil end, Inga somehow bundled me into a cab and got me
back to the hotel.
I spent that evening in the fetal position, crunched up
and praying for the raging heartburn to subside. It was brutal. I was literally
within 5 mins of making a call to head to emergency when finally my body
started to win the battle and the viciousness of the pain started to dissipate.
Somewhere around 5am I drifted into a tempered sleep, revising the stupidity of
undertaking a challenge that caused that much pain and that I spent $35
undertaking.
…And that my friends was the Real Las Vegas experience.
Shows, alcohol and stupidity. What happens in Vegas should really stay there
but unfortunately the left the show
with my O-ring lit up like the good ‘ole firecracker night back in the day.
We’ll see you next time Vegas. The next time we return
both us of us will be just that much more the wiser!
