Recently my life has become and endless cycle of work and study where paying tribute to the mundane would just be something too interesting. Indeed, it would be an achievment that flies in the face of deadlines, manufactured drama and bad breath. Still, on those wonderful mornings where I manage to get a few mins sleep on the ride to work, I manage to find things that irritate the living daylights out of me. Now, back in the day, I use to count how many girls I would have had sex with on the ride in (my record is 122 - I'm such a train slut). In any case, times have changed and my morning rage must be maintained. So here's my current list.
1. People that rush for their favoured seat: What the hell is that about ? You don't have a mortgage on on this piece of real estate, there's no change in the direction you're heading in. There are seats free everywhere and yet you need to sit in your one special place, every freakin day. Of course you know, my objective is to disrupt their safe, ritualistic journey. I often get looks of hatred when I've pulled the seat from right under pseudo custody.
2. Leg or arm touches: Urrggh - I hate this. Why oh why would I want to rub legs with anyone sitting next to me or have our arms touch just like we're the best of friends. I don't understand how anyone could be comfortable with this. It's not necessary, there's plenty of place to share, just let me have mine, you can have yours and we'll be all 'Cool and the Gang'. I once went shoulder to shoulder with one dude for 20 mins because he wouldn't budge, just because he 'assumed' he had real estate ownership of a two seater. This was some serious pressure and I'm sure both of us knew this was a challenge that we couldn't back down from. He did, 'loser' and finished off by rotating his shoulder a few times for effect. What an idiot !!
3. People that don't blow their nose: I've encountered some people that will just now blow their nose and are stoic in their decision to suck it up and make that God awful sound, not just once, not twice, but several times a minute. These people should be shot - seriously, I'd do it and I wouldn't shed a tear, I would even try my eye with a hanky.
4. Loud talkers: OK, not as bad as some of the others but again, it's not a concert or a bar, it's public transport and most people are on 'down time' either on their way into work or out. This just shows lack of respect and total ignorance of their environment. I'd love to walk into their bedroom whilst they were have their 'special' time and talk right through that.
5. Sneezers & Coughers: You're sick you Dilbert, stay at home and save me the drama of catching the crap that you have because your immune system is piss weak.
6. Loud music players: Nobody wants to listen to you playing Boston, 'More than a Feeling' at 45 on the Richter scale. Turn the freakin' thing down.
7. People that eat messy food: Kebabs, hamburgers, Chinese, garlic infused garlic. Damn, it's not a restaurant, I don't want your food over me nor do I want to smell it. There are places for you to do such things, can't you wait the 20+ mins to get home and eat or go out and eat, why on public transport ?
