Vang Vieng (Laos)
Be it a great thing or a bad thing for Vang Vieng, the activity of tubing down the Nam Song and its associated side attractions of rickety but super cool bamboo bars, swing-outs into the river, water slides, alcohol,and all things mind altering is now central to what this place has become. It’s the reason that I came and by God, I was going to take on the Nam Song on this day with reckless abandon and exuberance!
Be it a great thing or a bad thing for Vang Vieng, the activity of tubing down the Nam Song and its associated side attractions of rickety but super cool bamboo bars, swing-outs into the river, water slides, alcohol,and all things mind altering is now central to what this place has become. It’s the reason that I came and by God, I was going to take on the Nam Song on this day with reckless abandon and exuberance!
The way it works is as follows, you take a stroll into town and find one of the two places that will hire tubes out to you for the day. It’s strictly a two tube premises town as this element is controlled by the Vang Vieng mafia, who in turn control the prices you pay for hiring your tubes and also the associated deposit. Now, there’s a return policy on the tubes requesting that they be back in the dock by 6pm otherwise your deposit is lost. Let me just say this, knowing now the nature of the river and its capacity for carnage, I’d be surprised if 20% of the tubes make it back by closing. It’s a rort but so what, happy to help them out.
After you’ve hired your tube the VV mafia will drive you approximately 3kms out of town to the start of this wild ride. Estimates of the time taken to complete the journey state about 2-3hrs when the river is in full flow and 3-4hours at the low end, note, this does not factor in any of the stops that you may make along the way which has he propensity to turn your adventure from one of several hours to one of several days.
JJ and I rock up at the kick-off off bar and it was kind of pumping. OK, so perhaps Shaggy was playing at the time, which doesn’t particularly lend itself to being a pumping joint but this place is obviously filled with good vibes, people chilling out on the bamboo veranda and occupying the bars getting stuck into their whiskey buckets, pulling dubious back flips off the swing-outs and commencing their leisurely cruise down the river. As we sectioned off a little bit of our own piece of chilled serenity I looked down the river and just had to laugh. There were bamboo bars, strange sorts of platforms, people in tubes with all forms of alcohol in their hands,man, I could only classify it as an adult Disneyland. It looked strangely and insanely cool, and we hadn’t even kicked off our session yet.
The 'Kick-Off' Bar - Nam Song River - Vang Vieng
JJ making her way down the river
After a couple range finders at the bar JJ and I walked our tubes down the river and set off for our journey into the Never Never. There’s something to be said for just laying back, having your arms and feet dangling in the cool water, checking out the magnificent views of the mountains on one side of the river and then waving your hands when you feel inclined so that one of the staff at the bars can throw you out a line or a bamboo rod in order to pull you into their fine establishment. So I’m not sure whether it was the second or third bar that we were at, the one after the moth filled whiskey drink, that we hijacked ourselves a cute little vista on the banks of the river, pulled ourselves up some hammocks and organised a couple of whiskey buckets and assisted ourselves in letting the afternoon roll on. Oh yeah, I was liking this vibe! Just sitting back and watching other people with the same mindset or perhaps slightly enhanced mindsets just flow on down the Nam Song. It was easy to recognise how a couple of days here could transform itself into several weeks. In fact, knowing what I do now, somewhere down the track I’d love to make this a New Year’s Eve stop, one week on the outgoing year and a week on the inbound.
JJ getting her 'hammock on' with whiskey bucket aid! - Nam Song River - Vang Vieng
Another cool bar, another reason for a drink - like we need reasons!
Whiskey buckets, life's elixir - Nam Song River - Vang Vieng
Don’t know how many hours JJ and I spent at Hammocks in the Sky but the music was cranking and leaving was starting to prove a little too difficult. We did however manage to pull ourselves away only to be dragged into another bar on the other side of the river with one wicked trapeze that was just beckoning for me to conquer it. From some of the skills that people were showing off on this piece of equipment it was quite apparent that a few of them had made their base on the Nam Song long ago. Still, with the several hours at trapeze school in Homebush still relatively fresh in my mind I stepped up to the trapeze on my second attempt and launched off the pad. On my second pass and with what I thought was the requisite speed, I launched myself skyward in reverse. Oh yeah, sailing through the air was magical, I won’t lie, it was fantastically exhilarating. The problem however was my lack of skill and the fact that I under rotated which meant that the final result was an EPIC FAIL on my part. I entered the Nam Song upside down and head first! Clearly from eye witness reports and footage taken by ESPN, the critical point for me was the execution, or lack of, but it has to be said that my heart and commitment to the task was not an issue. As I burst through the surface of the water and looked to the gallery I could see the face of the Russian judge, it wasn’t disappointment, it was sheer contempt for my skill that this well worn face showed. On this day, my attempt to channel the spirits of the long line of Barnum & Bailey trapeze artists had obviously died an inglorious death. Never the less, JJ also, with the Homebush experience still relatively fresh in her mind climbed atop of the platform and swung out with the whoops of the gallery to support her flight into the Nam Song.
Yes my friends, this was the scene of the EPIC FAIL!
Gathering up our strength and with JJ a hash brownie to the good, the tubes set us adrift for a further few stops until we encountered the sum of all things awesome. A bar that had a mega slide off the roof that allowed you to sail out into the middle of the river, it was a boyhood dream turned into reality. Now, even those this slide didn’t look menacing, I can tell you that with the right speed and inertia, if your entry wasn’t judged to perfection well then you hit the river HARD. This was a lesson learnt the hard way as I came barrelling into the Nam Song chest first. JJ on the other hand had fine tuned her skills and was taking on the slide with all the grace and poise of a Mexican gymnast, yeah, figure out what that means for yourself
How good is that slide!?...And how wasted is that guy?
Cruise the day away - Nam Song River - Vang Vieng
As the sun set behind the mountains and the sky started to dim, the alcoholic rationale of making it to the finishing line kicked in. With beer Lao in hand and the sight of a finish line in our hearts (well, it was more JJ than myself, she was carrying the team for the afternoon), we set off down river in search of glory but as the sun sunk lower and the shadows lengthened, light fading fast, it was only JJ whose steely resolve shone through, she thought that we could beat the Nam Song on this day! Unfortunately where we came unstuck was on one of the stone/rock beds that blocked our easy path to victory. As we almost came to a stand still, with night upon us, I suggested to JJ that the best escape route now might be up the banks and a walk to the road in hope of hailing a tuk-tuk. Needless to say, the Lao people of these parts are well aware of the idiots that get stuck out in their tubes at this time of night and their requisite need to make it back home. Thankfully we had a kind Lao merchant that assisted us out of the water and pointed us to his awaiting tuk-tuk. What we didn’t have however were amicable fellow tourists, who whilst also were (thankfully for them) pulled out of the river, still had the gall to challenge the tuk-tuk driver on the price that he was asking for a run into town. This guy was just a pretentious dick, I couldn’t believe that he was arguing over a few dollars and his dumb ass arguments kept us waiting for nearly 10 mins until he relented, 'Dude, just wake the hell up!'. In any case we managed to get back into Vang Vieng, tubing deposits obviously lost to the VV mafia, but really, who cared, it was a fantastic day and one that I really look forward to doing again sometime in the future!
JJ, Beer Lao in hand, convincing me that we would make the finish line!?
The distance to here - Nam Song River - Vang Vieng
