Hoi An - Tranquillo

It was a now well understood and common complexity to our daily ritual...wake up... feel the rays of light on your face and commence coping with the hangover that ‘night before’ Elisher had kindly gifted to ‘next day’ Elisher. We struggled to make the breakfast table at the Nhi Nhi, a ritual that I would have gladly missed but for the disarmingly great Vietnamese coffee that was always on call by the time you took your seat. A couple of those, a little sweetened condensed milk and there you had it, the cure for any self inflicted ailment.

Interior of the Nhi Nhi Hotel - Hoi An

This was going to be Frichot’s last day in Hoi An before heading down south to Saigon in order to catch up with a few friends from his last visit. We decided that we’d take the bikes out for a while and travel down river and out of town in order to see what was on offer. Pushing along out of Hoi An, with the breezes at our backs, it was more than a gentle and comfortable ride on the flat roads that cut through mainly rice paddy fields and the occasional scattering of houses.

Taken from our morning ride

Morning ride from Hoi An

After riding out of town a few kms we turned 180 degrees and road back into the Ancient Town and onto one of the tailors that I’d done a little business with the day before after concluding my session with Tony. After trying on a few of the items and also checking in on the progress of the shorts that Jet had requested, we were asked to return in approximately an hour, easy resolution to that one, we were on our bikes and back exploring the surrounds. We essentially rode into the backwoods of Hoi An (check out the red dotted line on the map), riding mainly across rice fields and along dirt roads lined with tall palms. In the heat of the day and virtually in the middle of nowhere we stumbled upon ‘The Great’ café, essentially a couple of tables and chairs that were set up in someone’s backyard. We sat there happily as the owners children vied for our attention by showing of their toys. Now, I don’t know what went into the coffee that this lady made for me but it was one of the most wickedly heads spinning coffee’s that I’ve ever had. I think I had Frichot in stitches for a good view minutes with some of the comments I was coming out with – that coffee was Vietnamese country wild!

The blue line shows the morning ride out of town

The red line shows the afternoon spin that we took

We rode on back to the tailors a little over an hour later only to find that the shorts could not be made, well no problemo, off to the Now and Then bar for some drinks, lunch and the general feeling of tranquillity that comes from being in Hoi An.

Getting back to the hotel a few drinks to the good, Jet was in pack-up mode as he was getting ready to jump a flight from Da Nang to Saigon at 6pm that evening. We said our goodbyes and looked forward to catching up in KL for what would inevitably be a great NYE, of that I was already absolutely certain. Leaving Frichot to finish up at the Nhi Nhi, I rode back out to Tony the Tailor’s in order to go through a shirt/suit fitting. In one of those kind of serendipitous moments I had the odd thought of wondering what I’d actually do if the chain came off my bike and I found myself having to push it back to home base. As of course, as destiny and good fortune had it happen, I didn’t have to wait more than 5 mins to find out what that result would be. As I rode along one of the streets in the Ancient Town I pushed down on the pedal and then felt the other give, I knew straight away that the chain had come off, damn it, I was now left with the corpse of a bike. However, as the theme of ‘happy coincidences’ continued on this trip, I pulled up to the curb and parked my bike directly in front of an elderly Vietnamese man who just so happened to have a tool kit with him. He took hold of the bike, pulled out something from his tool kit and had the chain slipped back on in under 30 seconds – it was like riding around with your own personal bike mechanic on call. As he slipped the chain back onto the gears and kind of showed me the problem I took a mental note of the requirements…I didn’t want to be 5kms out of town having to push the damn thing back in that distance under any circumstance.

Making it to Tony’s a little later on, I checked in on what had been delivered thus far. The shirts were of course supreme, the jackets even better and the suits near perfect, only requiring minor adjustments, which would get completed overnight and be ready to roll the next day.

I rode around for a little while after that, stopping off at another bar in town and getting lost in a game of pool with the resident staff for a while. We were both crap and the game took forever to complete. I cruised around for a little longer but on this night didn’t really manage to find anything that appealed to me or where I could spent a little time on my own. In any case, after a few days of late nights/early mornings I decided to give myself a bit of a night off and called in early, somewhere about 11pm.

Lantern Central

Hoi An - Gettin' 'Messi'

You know, it’s pretty easy to live the good life in Vietnam on what we Westerners would regard as a ridiculously cheap budget. For example, $25 AUD a night will get a double room in a nice place, fairly central to anything that you’d like to see in your town of choice. If you’re hungry, well then drop $3 AUD and you won’t need to eat until the following day, and if you’re a bit of a pisshead, $10-$15 AUD will get you comfortably tanked!

 

What to say about Hoi An? Well this place definitely oozes charm and history. What once use to be a sleepy riverside village residing on the Thu Bhon river, occupied by early Western traders, has now turned into somewhat of a tourist town, full of hotels, bars and tailors…hundreds and hundreds of tailors. Anything you want, any clothing item you need, well they’ll measure you up and have you walking out of the store in your ‘made to measure’ suit by the close of play that day!

 

The town itself is said to have a distinctly Chinese atmosphere with low, roof tiled houses and narrow streets, the original structure of some places still remaining in tact. What also makes this place unique is the fact that the centre of town has been closed off to all motorised traffic, so all you need to dodge are errant bicyclists or rickshaw drivers, other than that, it’s pedestrian central and you’re free to roam at will. With that said, it was all these elements that initially captured my interest the last time I was here, and of course the fact that getting decent quality suits done for $60-$70 USD was simply a crime against reason. As I’ve said in early posts, it was on my last day trip here that I’d convinced myself that I’d be back in a hurry to get my wardrobe sorted out with some Vietnamese ‘suit style’ action, and hence today, 26-DEC-09, was to be the day that I kept that promise to myself.

 

After the late night or early morning of the day before, Jet decided to adopt a tack of self preservation and crashed out in the early morning whilst I hit Nguyen Duy Hieu street in search of the much recommended Tony the Tailor. The walk from the Nhi Nhi took me right across down and getting there was approximately a 20-25 min walk, it was the only time that I didn’t undertake the trip to Tony’s on a bike, which in turn would only ever take me all of 5-7mins in future. Walking into Tony’s premises really felt like you’d just dropped in at a friends place. I sat down, chatted, had myself a drink went through the types of fabric, patterns, etc and then ‘hey presto’, I’d locked myself into five tailor made shirts and two suits…there was more to come of course but for day one it wasn’t too bad a start.

Hoi An - from our room at the Nhi Nhi Hotel

 

Making my way back to the Nhi Nhi I encountered an ever recovering Frichot almost in the position to get himself moving to check out the down. After half a cup of HTFU we were out on our bikes and cruising the town for a bit of a look around. To tell you the truth, this just set the tempo for our day, we cruised around the Ancient Town of Hoi An, stopping in at a few places for a cocktail or two and then just pushed on to the next place to have another drink.

Hoi An - Ancient Town Centre

Japanese Bridge - Hoi An

Then when we’d completed a couple of rounds we rode up to Tran Hung Dao road, hung a right, and road the 5kms out of town to Cua Dai beach. The ride out to the beach was an absolute pleasure, just really cruisy and chilled out, which is exactly what you want a holiday to be. I just remember being particularly in the moment, enjoying the spectacular scenery and thinking that it’s the rare moments such as these that somehow make certain trips unforgettable. As we cruised down Trung Hung Dao Rd we passed a few bamboo bars that were built on platforms hovering above the river and I made a mental check to at least stop at one of them on our return leg.

Cua Dai Beach - Hoi An

Cua Dai Beach with Cham Island in the background - Hoi An

 

When we got to Cua Dai beach we pulled up one of the many deck chairs that were on offer, got ourselves a couple of drinks and looked out over the South China Sea on what was just a fantastic afternoon in the sun. Watching the world go by, listening to the pounding of the waves and enjoying the sun on our faces I think both Jet and I crashed out for an hour or so before we realised that the afternoon sun was dropping away fairly quickly and with it so too was the temperature. On our cycle back into town we stopped at the My Son café on the river just to take in the remains of the day and to enjoy the last rays of light before trying to nut out where we’d be drinking for the evening.

Riding back to town

Riverside cafe - Hoi An

My Son Cafe - Hoi An

 

On this night we pulled up at Thien Than’s restaurant, aka Messi’s bar, which was the last bar situated on Nha Hang St, an area located across the bridge and directly opposite the Ancient Town. This one was Frichot’s call, I think he was enticed by the music and the dark and dingy vibe of Messi’s. What we came to realise pretty quickly was that senor Messi was in the business of selling a potent mix of vodka, Red Bull, Sprite and some other random spirit, all mixed into a huge class bucket. This necessary evil, known now as the infamous Messi bucket, was a whole 50,000 VND burn to the back pocket, which essentially translated as $3AUD….ouch??? Enough to do your head in of course and enough to get you damn messy after a couple. As the night progressed, we drank, we ordered food, we drank some more and Jet hardened the hell up by taking a few more Messi’s down.

Hoi An

Hoi An

 

A little while into the evening we started chatting to a pretty cool couple Melbourne, Nick and Nadia. I don’t know how but Jet had somehow spotted the two of them on the road earlier in the day when we were on the ride out to the beach and then went on to recount in quite some detail everything he had remembered of their sighting! Of course, this amazed the both of them but the truth of the matter was that Nadia was a bit of a hottie and I’m sure Frichot found all the details of that sighting far easier to remember that some other random adventurers we’d passed that day. In any case, it was Nick’s birthday this evening and they were in the last few hours of their stay in Hoi An, so how else to celebrate such an auspicious occasion? Messi buckets all round!!!

Frichot - 'Gettin Messi'

De Niro - 'Gettin Messi'

Everyone 'Gettin Messi'!!!

 

Frichot and I ended up staying for a little while longer, somehow got stuck into a conversation with a couple of girls, one being from Ontario, Can, and the other from Scotland. I was kind of into the Canadian chick but unfortunately she turned out to be more than a little flakey, and not particularly interested in me after a few drinks. Never to be denied by the fantastic affects of alcohol and realising that Messi’s was turning into a little bit of a ‘lights out event’ in a monastery, we decided that drinking and riding was the thing to do and that there ‘MUST’ be some type of cool beach party cranking down on Cua Dai beach, or so the rumour around town had us believing. So how about a 5km ride out to the beach when you’re half totalled? Sure, sounds like a reasonable thing to do, why the hell not!?

 

Really not sure how we managed to stay on the bikes and in turn find our way out to the beach but we got there at sometime close to about 1:30am. The only problem with that was that there was no beach party to be seen anywhere, and none to be heard either. Still, I think one of my favourite parts of the trip happened at that point, we both just walked out onto the beach and stood at the waters edge, looking up at the stars, listening to the waves roll in and eyeing off the lights of Da Nang in the distance (approx 30kms up the beach). It was peaceful and it just gave me a moment to reminisce generally – again, one of those special moments that you take a mental photo of and carry with you for the rest of your life.

 

Realising that the ‘beach party’ ended up being a dud invite, we figured that we needed to try and make our way back into town again – so the return leg, 5kms back. About half the way in we past a group of Vietnamese teens doing shots with their locally concocted ‘whatever the hell it was’, and with all the bravado and naivety that alcoholic exuberance brings, we decided to stop and check things out. We walked on over and surprisingly the guys were pretty cool, happily plying us with their evil roadside Hoi An speciality and then also proudly showing us their three cigarette burns on their right arms in the form of a particularly haphazard triangle, signifying that they were part of a Hoi An crew. Apparently this ‘gang’ was hardcore and was into a bit of scarification.

 

Quietly surviving the grasps of the disillusioned Hoi An youth, we rode on back to Messi’s and ended up rocking up there somewhere between 2:30am and 3:00am. The Scottish girl that we chatted to earlier was still there and the flake from Ontario was somewhere out with Mr Messi discussing who knows what or doing whatever they thought was appropriate on that night. Of course we had a couple of more drinks to assist us with recovering from a 10km night ride and then headed back to base camp somewhere around 3:30 or so. Another fantastic day/night under our belts and another reason to wake up the night staff at the Nhi Nhi on our valiant and glorious return from evening escapades in Hoi An.

Hoi An - 'Hoi An idol'

We ticked over the barrier to Christmas approximately an hour or so out of Hanoi. For a long while prior to making our ride south I had thought we’d be walking the Hanoi streets endlessly in search of accommodation rather than taking the re-unified A-train south to Hoi An. With great skill and fortune however Frichot and I had managed to make the Hanoi terminal and even found our way to the train. We had acquired a four berth cabin which we shared with a couple from Singapore and were ready to make out way.

Hanoi Railway Station - We made it, just!

The cabin was fairly basic, a mid size mattress, sheet, cover and pillow. Not the most comfortable bedding that you’d ever come across but enough to get you through the night. What provided more of a hassle was the driver’s inability to keep any sort of constant speed, it was speed up, brake, speed up and brake. Unfortunately that kept most of the occupants of cabin 9B in that hazy state of elucidation, and yes, if you think it’s a contradiction in terms then that’s because it’s meant to be.

All aboard - Frichot on the reunifcation ride

Sunrise on Christmas morning brought with it endless views of rice fields, scattered villages and the odd medium sized town. At about 10:30 or so we stopped in Hue, located in central Vietnam (about 650kms from Hanoi and 1100kms from Saigon). It was the formal Imperial capital of Vietnam and is now recognised as a UNESCO World Heritage site for its great sprawling complex of temples, pavilions, moats, gates and walls. Unfortunately it wasn’t in our plan to have a look around the place, so I guess this just gives me another reason to make a return to Vietnam someday in the near future.

About 30 mins out of Hue we encountered some of the most spectacular scenery of the journey thus far (well, that we were able to see in any case). As the train snaked it’s way along the coast line the surrounds got more and more mountainous, with much of the coastline having these hills/mountains just drop straight into the sea. A lot of the journey from this point down to Da Nang had similarities with the Great Ocean Rd drive, particularly the area past Apollo Bay to the Twelve Apostles. Really, just very picturesque, scenic and in some parts quite dramatic. It felt as though the closer we got to Da Nang the more impressive the scenery was.

View heading south, 15 mins out of Hue

Hue to Da Nang

Hue to Da Nang

Hue to Da Nang

A little over 13hours after pulling out of Hanoi the night before we arrived in Da Nang, 1:02pm on the scoreboard, a whole two mins behind the scheduled time. Who says these Communists aren’t efficient and effective? In fact I’d hazard a guess and say that my watch was the one being a little inconsistent and running ahead of time. Frichot and I jumped off the train and into the waiting arms of friendly Da Nang taxi driver who was more than happy to driver us around to get some cash exchanged and then took us the 40kms down south to Hoi An.

So the question, why Hoi An? Well, the answer goes a little something like this. A few years back whilst travelling in this same with Jason we had made a day trip down to Hoi An to check out the town and witness what all the hype was about regarding ‘tailor made’ clothing and all it’s related possibilities. What we found, aside from a town literally full of tailors was a quaint, charming place that was also a hub for various forms of arts, crafts, restaurants and bars etc. It was after that day that I’d decided that in the next few years I’d come back and spend several days here just exploring the town and getting some clothes made. So here I was, keeping the promise that I’d made to myself nearly two years ago to the day.

Our place of residence in Hoi An was to be the Nhi Nhi hotel, a small place located about 800mtrs or so from the famous Japanese bridge, which can be regarded as being the western entrance to the centre of the town. After settling into our new residence and chilling out for a couple of hours we walked into town to have a bit of a look around. Jet ‘obviously’ jumped at the opportunity to deck out his wardrobe for the upcoming season and threw himself into a Hanoi t-shirt frenzy, admittedly there were a few cool purchases that he made. After walking around for a bit longer we settled in to have dinner at a place called the Secret Garden, a place where the name is very much inline with actual difficulty related to finding the place. I’d sighted this as a possible dining ‘experience’ via the font of all travel knowledge, TripAdvisor, but when we asked the locals what the deal was with this place and where it was, nobody seemed to know. It was only a freakish sighting of an errant Secret Garden sign on Le Loi lane, which runs off Le Loi street, that pointed the way home for us.

Aesthetically this place was really nice, a quaint, lush and well maintained garden, hidden away and well back from the main streets of Hoi An. It was quiet and quite serene in part, although the food and service were no match for the surrounds. That’s not to say that it was bad, just that it could only be considered to be average in relation to both the price paid and the value for money that you received in many other places in Hoi An – which we were also about to discover.

Hoi An at dusk

After dinner we headed to a bar that had caught our attention whilst walking along Le Loi street, The Now and Then Bar. What caught my attention was a huge painting of Bono in a Superman costume, lol, it was freakin’ awesome! So much so that I had to ask how much the painting was to buy, just out of personal interest, the price came back as $2000USD. I considered for a few seconds but yeah, where exactly was I going to put the damn thing? In any case Frichot and I settled in nicely to the Now & Then, taking down many a solid cocktail, something in the five to six ballpark, until the warm cheery feeling took over and we realised that if we kept going at this pace then we’d be hitting the Hoi An canvass quite early in the piece.

'SupeBono' at the Now & Then Bar - Hoi An - it was only $2000USD...I thought about it!

Back at the Nhi Nhi, feeling a little refreshed and reborn after a couple of drinks, we decided that for tonight we were wanting to ‘own’ this town Karaoke style. There appeared to be quite a few places in the local area that were willing to provide an ‘authentic’ Karaoke experience, which unfortunately on closer inspection and investigation also meant that you would have to get your groove on in Vietnamese. Not knowing the language and not really ‘feelin’ the Vietnamese grooves meant that we were kicked out of most of the Karaoke bars in town, like the true Aussie outcasts that we were. Walking into town and letting our intuition guide, we crossed over the canal relatively close to the Japanese bridge….and then we heard it….the God awful sound of some poor tortured Vietnamese soul belting out a home grown classic for all the town to hear. We stood for a few seconds and tried to get our head around whether this was some type of sanctioned public display of humiliation that was required as form of punishment in accordance to Hoi An customer and law, or, if maybe…maybe…this was a party gone wrong and perhaps a little wild. In those moments every fibre of my being said ‘run’, but Frichot, giving the dulcet sounds of this poor pauper more respect than it deserved, prompted me to walk up the street 50mtrs in order to check out where the carnage was coming from. So we did.

Standing in the street in front of the newly found Karaoke Gone Wrong destination I was a bit apprehensive. Basically all it was a large shopfront that had been emptied but that now was filled with slightly tanked Vietnamese, having a bit of a buffet deal and trying to get their voices to cope with the Kenny Loggins classic, Highway to the Danger Zone…but as always, Frichot, with his faux MJ moves and his flowing golden hair, attracted all the attention and got us the golden pass into this Karaoke madness. It was only later in the evening that we discovered that this was a staff Christmas party that we had bombed, but really, once they started handing out free beers then who were we to be asking the cutting questions. Once ‘Hey Jude’ made its way onto the play list Frichot and I were up and completely in bastardisation mode. Well, perhaps it wasn’t that bad, and as they say, admitting your Karaoke flaws is kind of like admitting that you have an ugly baby – you can see it, it’s there but it hurts to be so honest. Never the less, as we were later to find out, it was actually our strained notes and our familiar English voices that managed to drag in our very cool and attractive Afrikaan friends – who said that karaoke doesn’t work for you?

Frichot - Christmas Karaoke - Hoi An

Christmas Karaoke with our new friends - Hoi An

After some more musical abuse and me trying to land a solid version of Living on a Prayer (it was awesome Check out the link HERE - Elisher kills Bon Jovi), plus another few beers, we landed out on the street, myself, Jet, Lilli, Judith, Jolene and some random French guy (who knows where he came from?), but there we had it, a classic b-ball game of three on three – ‘game on boys, there’s no rules now’.

Surprisingly we found the Now and Then bar still open so that’s where we were able to take up residence for the many hours of drinking that were about to land on our doorstep. We all chatted away happily and it was good fun, kind of strange how each of us paired up but chatting with Lilli was pretty cool and her accent was dynamite…what can you do, I have a thing for accents that aren’t Australian! Hours later, even though my memory towards the end of the night is a little skewed, I know that we ended pulling up stumps at the bar at around 3am, which aligned with closing. In any case Mr Frichot and I said our goodbyes and wondered back to the Nhi Nhi where of course we had to wake the night staff camped at the door to let us in…much like Hanoi really, different town but the same result!

Hanoi - Escape from Hanoi

Hanoi (Vietnam)

The first few moments when you feel the sunlight beating through the curtains, the hot sun on your face and when you feel that uneasy sensation of it already being late in the day, well, it’s always a little disorientating. So too the first few moments of this day, Christmas Eve, its special morning moments were also catching me off guard. The transgression of the night before to the morning after and indeed the day after was now dawning on me in the 10-15 seconds of mental oblivion that accompanies me as I awaken from my slumber, then the realisation hits me square between the eyes, ‘If it’s another morning in Hanoi then obviously it’s another hangover for me!’ , as my uncle would say, ‘pissed again’.

I’m sure that morning we played the Black Ice album once again whilst tried to get energised and tried to get our mojo on and other meaningful stuff. Check-out time at the HE3 was approaching, although a quick call down to reception and a plead for clemency meant that they were kind enough to grant us a stay of execution, for an hour at least. We were well versed in traversing the common hurdles of Struggle St and by the time we actually stepped out onto the Hanoi streets for a re-orientation session with our senses, well, we were functioning somewhere at close to a pass mark, althought I suggest that I probably would have needed a supplementary exam to get over the line.

Somwhere in those first few minutes Frichot came up with the golden call of the morning (or was it early afternoon?), ‘Lets go to KFC’, 'Oh yeah my man, I like it like that!'.  Now KFC in Hanoi holds prime position on the north-west corner of Hoan Kiem lake, the restaurant itself (yes, I’m calling it a restaurant), is spread over 4-5 floors and has some terrific views out over the central part of the city. We had a brutish feast, the remanence of which was particularly ugly, but that was of no concern or real consequence, as long as it was washing away the residual of whatever it was that I had been drinking about 10hrs earlier, then that was just fine with me.

Central Hanoi - from our luxurious KFC abode - right on the edge of Hoan Kiem Lake

Hoan Kiem Lake from the fantastic KFC - Hanoi - Vietnam

'The Remains of the Day' - KFC carnage in Hanoi!

After what I’m sure was a couple of hours of eating and just staring into the abyss we finally moved onto the streets and gingerly made out way around the Old Quarter before Jet suggested that we make our way down to Fanny’s for some sweetness and so that he could eye off the little Vietnamese vixen that he’d been scoping out the last few occasions that we been on premises. Admittedly Jet was already a well known identity at the place and the moment he walked in the girls came a runnin’. For my part I almost crashed out at the table a few times, I think the nights were catching up with me and unfortunately there was no amount of quality caffeine that was giving me the lift that I needed. As it finally came time for Jet to say his goodbyes he wished his harem well and exited stage left and jumped into a cab in order to take a ride to Ho Chi Minh’s mausoleum.

HCM’s mausoleum is a large memorial dedicated to the 'father of the modern state’ and where the actual embalmed body of Ho Chi Minh lies. The body of HCM is enclosed in a glass case which is the traditional way to honour famous Communist leaders. Not that we were able to actually see him as viewing times occur on particular days, at set times, and this was not one of them. Never the less, as a spectacle, this place is enormous and had that imposing sense or presence about it, kind of what you’d expect from a Communist monument and special dedication to its main man, and really, as the sun dropped it provided a dramatic setting for the place and its immediate surrounds, it all seemed very appropriate. Frichot and I absorbed our surroundings for a while longer before the afternoon sun got the better of us by which time we had started eyeing off another cab, bound for a totally different destination, this time it was to be the Tran Quoc pagoda located on the edge of the West Lake, an area a little north-west of the Old Quarter.

Ho Chi Minh  Mausoleum - Hanoi - Vietnam

Ho Chi Minh Mausoleum - Hanoi - Vietnam

Love this shot - for some reason I think of Jeff Buckley everytime I see it!?

Specifically it reminds me of this song [Everybody here wants you]

As we jumped into another cab I pointed out the location on a map to the driver and I swear his response was ‘Chewbecca?’. I automatically responded with 'Yeah, sure!'. I figured if someone was going to take you to a place that sounded like the big the name of a big Wookie from the greatest movie of all time then it was going to be alright by me.

The pagoda is located right on the edge of West Lake, by far the largest lake in Hanoi and one that still contains the remains of a B-52 shot down by the North Vietnamese in 1972. By the number of dead fish floating close to the edge of the lake it appeared to be a most chemically enhanced lake also. Unfortunately the pagoda was none too stimulating. Aside from it being constructed in the 6th century and representing the reign of I’m not sure who it was quite the boredom fest and didn't live up to our unwarranted high expectations, so who was at fault there, really?

We walked around for 10-15 mins, enough time for Frichot to be caught out by several photo requests, at which time I suggested that he start charging (seriously, he would have made enough to pay for his holiday!). We then continued walking up Thanh Nien Rd and based ourselves in the lounge of the Sofitel Plaza Hotel for an hour or so after that. With Frichot’s reflux kicking into gear he turned into the Milky Bar kid and took down a gallon or so of milk whilst I settled in for a few well placed daiquiri’s, I needed something, I hadn’t had a drink for several hours at least!

Chewbecca Pagoda! Right on West Lake - Hanoi - Vietnam

Another cab ride and another part of town a little later in the day, Jet made the call that we should go and check out the flag tower. Not too much to write home about there either to tell the truth but across the way the residents of Hanoi were getting their badminton + shuttlecock kicking game on. When it comes to kicking the damn shuttlecock these guys have wicked skills! I sat in amazement and watched the moves that some of these middle aged men were pulling off and the speed at which they were playing the game, I mean I was struggling to sight the object through the air let alone have the skill and dexterity to smash the thing back over the net with my foot! We did however get the opportunity to display to the Hanoi faithful the absolute class that these boys from Oz wielded with borrowed badminton racquets, although walking off the courts with our heads bowed only meant that we were taught a good ‘ole fashioned lesson, in the classic sense – (see also: the hard way!) – i.e., the game that you can’t bring to the table is the one that you don’t have, in the badminton sense, we had no game!

As the night waded its way through the crowded Hanoi streets and into the heart of the city we slowly made our way back to Hang Bong St, and when I say slowly, the Christmas Eve traffic was really cranking and  was now causing even the pedestrians all sorts of delays. At a guess it was 40%-50% up on an average day and was still in the process of picking up volume. If it was going to be anything like HCM a couple of years ago for NYE then we were going to be in for a true Vietnamese spectacle, and to say it now, the members of Team Hanoi did not let us down. The constant movement of bikes dropped to a motorised shuffle as the thousands upon thousands of urban mobiles were commencing movement and making their way to God knows where and attempting in vain to get past everyone else at the same time.

Frichot and I in turn made our way to the City View café, a great restaurant at the top edge of Hoan Kiem lake for our last dinner in Hanoi before having to catch the midnight express  to Da Nang. Looking out over the city and the mass of people out on the streets had me awestruck and a little dumfounded. How these people manage to get anywhere on nights like these just had me asking questions. The streets around the lake and in most streets through the Old Quarter were absolutely gridlocked, which I also realised meant that if we were wanting to make our train later that evening that an early start might be the more intelligent way of doing things.

Christmas Eve traffic - taken from the City View Cafe - Hanoi - Vietnam.

Christmas Eve traffic - taken from the City View Cafe - Hanoi - Vietnam

In the traffic - it's kind of like being 'In the tubing' - that's a Laos reference by the way

We walked back to the HE3 and hit the internet for a while, waiting for the staff to lock us in for a ride to Hanoi’s main railway station but this my dear friends is where all elements of simplicity and good planning simply dropped from the pages of history, worldly rationale and logistics, because from this point on someone or something in this universe had decided to fuck with your dynamic duo big time. It went a little something like this. About 90 mins before the train was to depart the staff mentioned that they’d received a call from other guests coming to the hotel and due to the insane traffic they’d be arriving an hour or so late. In their infinite wisdom and with absolute concern for our travel plans the staff decided to organise a couple of scooters to give us a ride to the station. During this waiting time, as it was perhaps a friend of a friend of staff that was trying to get to the HE3, a random taxi pulled up relatively close to the front door and hence the doorman worked his magic and waived the random driver in for our sake. With the clock ticking down but still plenty of time left up our sleeve we threw our bags in the boot and away we went. As our cab made its way amidst the chaotic Hanoi traffic it somehow managed to get nudged from the rear by a fairly large 4WD. Seriously, it’s kind of amazing that you don’t see a hell of a lot more accidents in Hanoi with the type of fists of fury’ attitude that everyone has, and in this instance the driver of the 4WD, obviously in the wrong, thought it wasn’t worth his effort or bother to stop and just sped past. I could see the face of the cab driver and it was screaming out, ’Oh yeah, game on maestro!’. Our cabbie was infuriated and charged after this 4WD, now it was game off for an attempt to get to out destination. We were not involved in the complex world of retribution and payback and the maniac in the 4WD was gonna get chased down by our cab drivin’ hombre.

The cabbie puts on enough speed and executes enough quality manoeuvres so that he manages to get in front of the 4WD. As he does he slows down and angles his car across the lane in front of him, attempting to stop the guy in his tracks,and yes, the guy did stop, only after he deliberately ran into the back of us and destroyed the back of this poor cabbies vehicle. As the cab driver gets out of his car to confront the guy both Jet and I jump out and see that back bumper is lying on the street and the rear of the car is in a very poor state. Let me say this also, there are thousands of scooters whizzing by us at this moment and for right now, well, we’d just become stuck for a ride to the station. We make the assessment quickly and figure that these two might take a while to sort out their differences and thinking that the station isn’t too far away and within a walking strike zone, we hit the pavement.

As we walk down the street it comes to my attention that for today only I don’t have a map in my pocket, so at this point in time we’re guessing our way to our end point and of course the longer we stay on foot the more time we waste in trying to get to the train on time. Jet and I take a few turns and all of a sudden the streets turn a little dark, there doesn’t appear to be a railway line let alone a railway station in sight. For some reason the area that we had entered was also devoid of any commercial premises and the two we were fortunate enough to find had people in them that couldn’t understand a word of what we were saying. As we scout the road for additional taxis, of which there were nought because of the Christmas Eve frenzy, it dawns on us that the train ride tonight might not be happening the way we had intended. We walk further and as we continue the prospects of getting ourselves over the line get infinitely bleaker. Turning down another dark road we spot what looks to be a hotel, fortunately enough it was, so I head into reception and ask for directions to the station. Thankfully the guy at the counter speaks English and advises me that in the time that we had left, approximately 20 mins, that walking to the station would just not get us there. Across the road is a taxi that looks to be off duty but he actually wasn’t. The guy at hotel receptions calls out something to the guy but I don’t think the driver took much notice or perhaps simply ignored it. I walk up to the driver and ask if he could drive us to the station and point to a map which the guy at the reception had just provided. This cab driver looks at both of us and shakes his head? What the hell dude, are you serious? We start waving around some money and start explaining that we need to get there quick, quick but this guy shakes us off again. Now I’m getting a little exasperated and had he not relented on our third time through for this request, well, I would have flipped out and taken the turkey for my own wicked ride. So finally and thankfully he caves and we jump in for what ended up being a 10min ride through reasonable traffic. We make the station and our awaiting train with 10mins up our sleeve, but sure enough, it was looking awfully sketchy for a long while. In the end we managed to jump on and get sorted for the ride south, now we’ve made it onto the night train, here’s for taking it down the coast to Da Nang.

Our destination - Hanoi Railway Station...finally!

Merry Christmas Frichot! On the Night Train!

Finally getting on the train, check out the link HERE (link on!)

Ha Long Bay - It's been ha long day

Ha Long Bay (Vietnam)

It’s sitting by the overcoat, the second shelf, the notes I wrote, that I can’t bring myself to throw away,well, that’s not 100% of the truth, although there were certainly diary notes on the dresser that I was looking at around 6:00am on this morning as the sun snuck through the small space between the blind and the window sill like a little skillful bandit. The night unfortunately wasn’t so kind to me and I had had a fairly fitful sleep, although with the said, each time I peered out the window and saw the lights of the surrounding boats and the silhouettes of the limestone karsts I was still amazed and also more than a little grateful to have the good fortune to have made my way here.

It seemed both of us had an ordinary nights sleep, not sure if that was due to the fact that the debilitating mental construct that we’d conjured out of our homo-uncomfort, or whether it was simply Jets’ reflux coupled with my flu like symptoms but in the end we got out of bed at 9:00am and wondered upstairs in anticipation of a buffet breakfast, Bhaya style , but freakin’ hell, no! The Bhaya boys had gipped us on this day! The swindling, cheating fraudsters had set up an early morning visit to the ‘Surprise Cave’, which in my head converted to ‘Surprise you shonksters, we beat you to the breakfast punch and now we’re going to mess with you!’. Ahhh, the dread of not having any sort of coffee to start my day was almost too much to bare!

We willed ourselves onto the awaiting launch with all the other bright and chirpy representatives from the UN, ‘screw them and their Portuguese happiness, give me my caffeine!’. In any case we were shuttled to the entrance of the ‘Surprise Cave’ where basically you are required to walk up the side of one of one of these huge limestone karsts via a stoned path to the entrance of what they called a grotto/cave. The vantage point and the views back over this section of Ha Long Bay however, to what was to be a pleasant find, were definitely worth missing breakfast for. Admittedly it’s not that high above water level, only about 25mtrs, but it certainly gave a totally different perspective of the surrounding area.

Ha Long Bay - taken from the 'Surprise Cave'

Frichot, not looking at all surprised!?

Surprise!? Your breakfast has been withdrawn!

Ha Long Bay - Vietnam

Inside the grotto there were literally thousands of stalactites and stalagmites which inhabited the space along side the 500mtr+ walkway inside the cave. It’s a fairly impressive sight, although if you’ve been inside the caves at Jenolan then you have a fairly good idea of what this place looked like. Truthfully, the view from the entrance of the cave caught my attention far more than the limestone creations on the inside but a morning stroll ended up being worth it.

The rest of our morning and early afternoon was spent cruising back to Ha Long city. Very tranquil and peaceful, just appreciating the surroundings and off course occasionally dosing off, only to be woken up by your “mate” with a camera in your face telling you that 'Henry Elisher should HTFU'…lol, fair call! ....Speaking of which, you can see Jet giving me a major dose of HTFU right HERE (link on!)

The Bhaya crew showered us with rose petals as we left

Back in the port of Ha Long we jumped back in with our minivan driver from the previous day who gunned it back to Hanoi in true Nascar fashion, which means taking no prisoners but also never allowing yourself to charge a bus or lorry in full flight otherwise ‘you be pancake man!’

Typical Hanoi street view

Another typical shot of downtown Hanoi

A few hours later we were back at the Hanoi Elegance 3, the staff had kindly moved us into our new room which was meant to be the ‘Junior Suite’ but on closer inspection of their site and the rooms available it appear that we had received the ‘Family Suite’. No matter, it was a great room, had a decent internet connection and a set of French doors that opened out onto a small balcony that overlooked Hang Bong St. Even before you stepped out onto the balcony you could hear it but once outside it was unmistakable, the relentless sound of Hanoi traffic, the motors from the thousands of scooters, those inimitable horns that the riders use just to say ‘hello’, this is the sound that you always end up associating with Hanoi. Monsieur Frichot and I spent a few hours listening to the $10 worth of tunes that we purchased in downtown Hanoi a several days earlier, you’d be surprised as to how many CD’s that actually equates to, drinking a bottle of wine or so and then getting ready for what would inevitably be another evening of liver terror.

Family Suite - Hanoi Elegance 3 - Hang Bong St., Hanoi

Wacky races out on Hang Bong St - View from the balcony

Chasing somewhat of an authentic culinary experience on this night, I put it to Jet that we should undertake the challenge and make a play for one of the many street vendors that were plying their trade on the Hanoi curbs. A few blocks up from the hotel we encountered a vibrant little establishment that by day was a shirt and tie shop but by night masqueraded as a drive in Hanoi BBQ for the well heeled locals. The food was set up on a very basic table held within tupperware containers and looked like a kaleidoscope of who knows what. It was awesome! Kebabs, snails, frogs legs, some type of worm like creatures, it was all on the table and all set for us to delve into if our spirits and adventurous nature held firm. Basically the way it worked was that you required to make your way up to the table, select what you wanted and then ‘hey presto’, they BBQ’ed the living daylights out of it for you. It’s at times like these where you just say to yourself, ‘Well, I’m prepared for whatever gastro misfortune I’ll have coming my way 3am…but for right now, I’m taking it down!!’. After dealing with the Super bug from hell out of the heart of the Lao jungles I thought that there would be nothing that a little city slicker bug could throw at me that I wouldn’t be able to handle. Frichot and I went for it with reckless abandon and in all truth, the food turned out being damn good. Mid feast we were joined by a couple of Danish girls whom Frichot was also trying to tune in with kind of mixed results, there was interest from one girl but the more stoic Hanoi resident was having none of this Aussie mix.

Hanoi food fest - get into it!

Frichot, willing his stomach to be 'cool with it'

Post dinner we walked around for a little while with that unsettling feeling that an eruption via our oesophagus was only a short phone call away. Indeed my stomach was giving me the rumbles and what I didn’t consider was that perhaps Mr City Slicker Hanoi bug might hook up with his cousin ‘Lao superbug’ to try and breed some bastardised type of child that would take me out for months. This thought played on my mind as we cruised down to Fanny’s for a while and then walked off our street side fare by strolling around Hoan Kiem lake for an hour or so. I have to admit, by the time we’d completed the circuit of the lake and made our way back up into the Old Quarter I think we were both feeling more at ease and were now contemplating taking Hanoi on for another evening/morning. Like there was ever really going to be a question of that happening!?...really!!

Hoan Kiem Lake - Hanoi

Frichot - Knowing it was all going wrong in his bowels

As always we were back into bar area of Hanoi which is about a 10minute walk north of Hoan Kiem lake. We dropped into the Red Lounge to check out the scene but it was crazily packed and not worth the effort. A couple of stops up the road was off course the Funky Buddha. Mr Rockstar was brought back out to play as Frichot undertook a metamorphosis into his now Funky Buddha persona, and I chatted with Vanessa and cashed in on the three free drinks that she had promised me from a few nights earlier. The Rockstar and I continued drinking for a few hours until the police came in early and shut the place down, from memory this was a little before midnight. Apparently its quite common for them to walk in and demand/request money from the owners (for whatever reason) and this type of event takes place a couple of times a month. The owner at this point needs to make a decision as to whether it’s worth their while to keep the place running for the evening, depending on the number of patrons they have in that night or just advise the police that there won’t be any money coming their way, which in turn involves a shutdown. In any case it seemed that the owners had remained firm to the corrupt demands of Hanoi’s finest and with midnight upon us we were out on the streets looking for another place to get loaded!

Frichot and I set up base a couple of bars up that made convenient use of their shutters every time the police rolled by. It was a smaller intimate place, great for drinking and produced some half decent cocktails. A little later on Vanessa joined us from the Red Lounge and a few of here friends either came along with here, or perhaps were already in the bar when Frichot and I turned up. In any case the moment she sat along side me I knew it was going to be ‘game on’, flirt dial turned up to 10 and away we went! As the hours drew on Mr Rockstar headed across the alley to another bar and I was lip locking and all things else with Vanessa in our current residence. I have to say, it was half on my mind to go back to her place but the commitment just wasn’t there, you know the situation, the type of thing when you’re out in the midst of a protest march and aren’t fully committed to the cause? Yeah well, it was kind of like that, lol. In any case the place Vanessa and I were in closed down somewhere about 3:30am and we headed across the alley to where Frichot was talking to the owner and also some random Slovenian guy that had somehow made his way there. Slovenians are odd people, they seem to turn up in the most unexpected places and there’s only about 3 million of them on this planet!? Sectioning off some space at the bar our PG-13 movie started to turn to M rate and then a little R rated within a very short time frame, Frichot was doing his best, as a good mate always does, to convince me to get my ‘Hanoi style’ on and get her home. I was pretty tanked by that point and yeah, it was a close run thing but in the end I wasn’t into her really and so decided to tell her that we’d ‘hook up’ when I made my return to Hanoi on the 29th of Dec.

We all stumbled outside of our location somewhere around 5:30am and Vanessa was kind enough to organise a couple of friends to provide us with a ride back to the hotel. I always found it amusing and a little embarrassing that each time we returned we had to wake the staff from their peaceful slumber in order to open the doors for us. On our return this morning we punched the time card at around 5:45am, meaning that the kick-off for breakfast was only 45 mins away. If we had the stamina to make it that far. I think we entertained the idea for 10 seconds before heading up to our room in order to crash out. The last thing I remember Frichot saying as my head hit the pillow was, ‘Do you reckon they’ll deliver?’, 'I don’t know man, try dialling 9481 1111 and tell me if they do'!