Rio de Janeiro - Like a boss!

Rio de Janeiro (Brasil)
29 Dec - 30 Dec 2012

Sometimes no matter how hard you try you just can't forgive people for the wrongs they've committed against you. A step up from that level are crimes against humanity, this involves an individual's complete disregard for the pain and suffering that they intentionally inflict upon other humans for the sake of either their own gain, morbid or perverse amusement, or whatever else may come their minds. Then there are the crimes of Jet Frichot. His crimes raise the bar far in excess of what can be considered to be a true crime against humanity. So lets just start with the parameters here just to let you know what I'm talking about. If you were born any time before 1980 then you might remember this commercial [Tia Maria - gold & brown]. Now for some reason Jetson had it in his head that singing the ridiculously catchy line, 'Tia Maria, gold and brown, drink it until the sun goes down', with the word 'sun' substituted for all things buttocks related, would be amusing...and you know it was, for a little while, but then that damn commercial got stuck in my head for hours, then for days and now 6 months latter reflecting on our time in Rio I STILL have it in my head. Just listen to it!! Get a grasp of the lines... '...she's got a taste for the gold and brown', like what the hell are they driving at there? Ah Jetson, there's a warrant out for your arrest, I want you to stand trial in the Hague for the punishment you've inflicted not just on me but for all people that have unwittingly had to listen to me repeat the gold and brown line for the last few months!

THE beach of Rio - Copacabana

Ipanema - a credible second

For an afternoon at least I was able to divert my mind away from the Caribbean stylings of Tia Maria and delve into the bossanova driven [Girl from Ipanema]. If you haven't heard it then give it a run, this song is so smooth that it rightly demands that word 'smooth' be spelt with an additional two 'o''s! It just has to be smooooth for the purposes of this song. It was more than easy to have it as my mental soundtrack as we cruised up Ipanema beach and watched the beautiful people of this area get their voyeuristic fill by exposing most of themselves whilst on the golden sands of one of the most famous strips in the world. I mean I wasn't complaining about that, they have to do what they have to do to get through their days, right? The only disappointed was the damn persistence of cloud that appeared to be has angry as I was about the omnipresent nature of that damn Tia Maria tune! (I'm still singing it as I write!). That aside, hanging out by the beach is a lesson in what it is to be a carioca. You get your 'chill' on, you accept caipirinha's willingly (although the alcohol content made them a brutal concoction), you have lengthy skewers of fresh prawns delivered to you with a slight nod of the head, in fact, almost anything can be delivered to you whilst on the beach.

JJ and Jetson walking along Ipanema - Rio de Janeiro - Brasil

There was a sale on doughnuts in downtown Copacabana!

The real issue with Ipanema is that it's just not Copacobana. Everyone has their preference of beaches obviously and I guess it's like arguing for a winner between Manly and Bondi (none of the above incidentally). For me Copacobana is THE beach of Rio and whilst Ipanema can happily play wing man for as long as it wants, just like in Top Gun, Ice never really gets the better of Maverick, it just never happens. Hanging out on Ipanema for the afternoon was still a pleasure but the walk back to Copacabana was simply a dumb idea, ranking right up their with other dumb walks I've had with (surprise, surprise, JJ!!), please see Marais to the Eiffel Tower & Barric Gotic to La Sagrada Familia,to get an idea of what I'm referring to.

One of the New7Wonders

I'm a true believer in the saying that you're only as good as your last performance. It's alright to have a legacy, it's great to have a history of success but you can't ever express to the masses that you're the greatest in that moment if your last performance was a loss. Now this is where the Egyptians come into play. Back in 2001 a Swiss corporation named the New7Wonders Foundation started an initiative to nominate and then to name the new 7 wonders of the world. The Egyptians fearing strong competition from the likes of the Opera House and the Statue of Liberty called the project absurd and put in their sternest of complaints.

Cristo Retendor - Rio de Janeiro - Brasil

View over Botafogo and out to Sugarloaf - Rio de Janeiro - Brasil

Rio panorama - yeah, it's kind of 'ok'!

One for the Facebook profile

Now the pyramids of Giza are a marvel and I have the feeling that if the competition was run fairly that these guys would have been included without question, but the foundation took pity on the poor Egyptians and included them as an 'honorary candidate', existing as a wonder but in an 'honorary position' outside of the new 7!? Now the Egyptians just look like a bunch of whingers that had a massive dummie spit.

Check out Jetson's link from the 'Almighty Cristo' - [The Adventures of Jet Frichot - Christ the Redeemer]

This brings me to who actually is in the top 7 [New7Wonders] - check it out at the link if you need to, but I'll clue you in as to who one of the seven is, Cristo Redentor. This modern marvel tops out at nearly 40mtrs and is known to be the fifth largest statue on earth. It also holds pride of place over Rio and without question has the BEST view in town. It's like Jesus himself had a look around, selected a spot and said, 'Yes, it is good'. The statue has become an icon for Rio and for Brasil, and wherever you travel in this town you can see it's outstretched arms welcoming all from far and wide from its golden position atop Corcovado.

On this day we decided to challenge the weather pattens of Rio once again and aimed ourselves for a summit run of Corcovado and a date with Cristo.

Cristo playing a coy little game of hide and seek

Cristo Retendor - Corcovado - Rio de Janeiro - Brasil

For the first hour or so of our tour we looked to have somehow obtained a large slice of luck as the sun came out and flirted with the idea of  becoming a splendid day, but as the reality of the queues dawned up on us (they're insanely long and convoluted), so too do did the clouds come rolling in off the Atlantic and for several hours this wonder was shrouded amidst a veil of Brasilian secrecy. There we sat, at the base of the statue not being able to see a thing! Cristo had done a Copperfield for all intents and purposes and Claudia Schiffer was nowhere to be seen.

Gene Simmons with Cristo

Sitting at the base of the statue for an hour or so we decided to 'wait it out'. Not so much of a struggle with a bar being on hand to assist with the decision making...and so as our minds became foggier, the clouds around Cristo cleared. The more we drank the clearer things became. Call it good fortune or 'Cristo tax' but I really enjoyed the way in which that unwordly trade off was made.

Cristo Retendor - Corcovado - Rio de Janeiro - Brasil

Yeah, 'that dude again!'

Cristo is massive by the way, he really is! What is particularly amazing is his location. You look around at the vista, the slopes of the surrounding mountains and think 'who the hell was it that thought a statue up here would be a TOPS idea!?' - FYI, initially it was a priest by the name of Pedro Maria Boss - You can just guess what his directions were huh, 'yup, put that statue way up there and build it like a BOSS!'

Cristo Retendor - Corcovado - Rio de Janeiro - Brasil

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