Las Vegas (USA) - You will be owned!

Las Vegas (USA)

19 January - 21 January 2017

The moment you exit your aircraft and hit the end of the aero-bridge at McCarran International Airport in Las Vegas you literally know that you’re ‘not in Kansas anymore’, poker machines, AKA, slot machines align your walk to the baggage carousel. Flashing lights, carnival sounds, the promise of riches with the strike of a lucky coin. The allure of Vegas is both pervasive and immediate. For however long you intend to stay, it will own you and more then, more than likely, you will be owned.

Without question Vegas is all show but that’s what makes it cool. Certainly it’s not charming. Unashamedly gaudy and brash, I wouldn’t think that anyone could survive more than 3 days full-time on the strip. Your senses are cleansed by the constant light and you’re coerced to forget your natural time clock and just keep going for as long as your body and will takes you.

Now my question is, What do you do with a non-gambler in Vegas?

The fear-factor that accompanied Inga’s visit to Vegas aligned with her equally intense notion of not losing money. I’m not sure if she fully realised the intensity of this town, you are gambling immersed for however long you stay. In fact everything attacks you in Vegas, all vices, all at once from every angle. Your choice to partake or not is solely the battle you have with your will against the questions that this town inevitably asks of you.

Being on a budget we decided to stay at the Motel 6 Las Vegas on East Tropicana. Not quite as bad as it sounds, just an average, comfortable and clean room. Off the strip but not too far.

So what else is there to do in Vegas if you don’t gamble? Well, for us there of course was drinking and the shows.

The shows in Vegas are amazing. So many top quality attractions competing against each other for your money, the level of production, the concepts and the talent needed to execute, all located in relatively small area, has to make this one of the most creative hot spots around.

Blue Man Group @ the Luxor - Las Vegas - Nevada - USA

Blue Man Group @ the Luxor - Las Vegas - Nevada - USA

So a 'Blue Man' decided to photo bomb us!

Blue Man Group @ the Luxor - Las Vegas - Nevada - USA

Whilst we were there we took in the Blue Man Group show,  which basically is creative performance art and music. As a production it’s been around since 1987 and the performances are a combination of comedy, theatre, improvisation and music.

Another one of the great shows we saw was Zumanity, this is a caberet style show produced by Cirque de Soleil which had residency at the New York, New York Casino. Basically it is an ‘adult themed’ show whose central tenets are erotic song, acrobatics, comedy and dance. A show billed as showing the ‘Sensual side of Cirque de Soleil’,  I have to say that both of us found this the most enjoyable, most creative and just genuinely fun.

The Strip - Las Vegas - Nevada - USA

The Strip - Las Vegas - Nevada - USA

The Strip - Las Vegas - Nevada - USA

But to tell the story of Zumanity I need to roll back a few hours of that day in particular and take myself to a place that instigated my deep slide into a disco inferno. An evening within the fire pit of hell and with pain so intense that I was on the verge of signing up for a ride to the emergency ward.

Zumanity by Cirque de Soleil @ New York, New York - Las Vegas - Nevada - USA

The place was Diablo’s Cantina, 3770 Las Vegas Blvd. There was a challenge at Diablo’s that been goading me since my last occasion in Sin City back in 2011 with Jet. Basically the challenge that I decided to skip out on last time but coaxed myself into during a YOLO life moment was the Death Wings Challenge.  In this challenge participants are allowed 20 minutes to consume 20 Death Wings. Death wings huh? So what is this? Is it like consuming 20 Hot & Spicy wings from KFC or drinking 10ml of Tobasco straight? F*** No! That stuff is for complete amateurs. This my friends is the big leagues where the waiver you sign is to acknowledge that if you die its due to your own stupidity and based on the understanding that the chance of death was expressed and fully understood.

THE CHALLENGE: 20 Death Wings – in 20 minutes.

The wings are served in Diablo’s Death Sauce, a blend of Ghost Chilli extract and Habanero puree.

Additional assistance – plastic gloves, milk and napkins. Other than that, it’s all on you.

In all honesty, before I commenced the challenge I thought that I’d get 1 or 2 into the contest and tap out. Perhaps I should have, but, I had my fiancée with me and I needed to show a moderate amount of kahunas, especially with my standard bravado and tolerance for spicy food.

With the clock on I took a swing at contestant #1. The heat factor was high. Commencing at a 6 but quickly escalating to na 8, I thought my heat tolerance was going to be like a shooting star, ‘burnt bright, short lived’. Somehow I pushed onto wing #2, the heat factor now raged at 9 and capsaicin in the chilli instigated a robust period of hiccups, my body’s own defence mechanism to stop me from pushing on with this stupidity, which of course I ignored. Now, with a fire storm raging in my mouth, my nose running like an open fire hydrant and the factor 50 wild sauce burning my skin, I was in the midst of a burning torrent of capsaicin torment. Still, I pushed through and got to wing #4. This was the point where the pain almost become overwhelming. My urge to push through was not even close to my desire to quell the burn and it was only by some ghastly, and unnecessarily opportunistic second wind that I actually made it to the half way point.

The aggression of the Ghost Chilli extract was terribly real. It did not f*** around. I made the rational choice and laid down my guns at the midway point, my honour intact, no desperately flattered but not hurt.  Little did I know however the real pain that would accompany my ride throughout the night. I was going to get blindsided!

Heading back to the point that I made earlier on Zumanity, the production, the comedy and our enjoyment of the show was tempered, for me, by some extreme heartburn that was no coming on. It was hitting me in waves, sometimes moderate and occasionally very painful. I tried to suppress it as best I could and was, for the most part successful. In fact it wasn’t until we went to our later show, another production by Cirque de Soleil, based on the music, moved and talent of Michael Jackson, that I was hit with an extreme level of pain. With my heartburn escalating I now also felt the urge coming from the back end, and let me tell you know, there’s nothing quite like that feeling of a Ghost Chilli ring of fire when you’re sitting on the throne. In the words of Johnny Cash, ‘I fell into a burning ring of fire, I went down, down, down, And the flames went higher, And it burns….the ring of fire, the ring of fire’.

I made several returns to the bathroom Luxor bathroom that evening, on each occasion walking back to the theatre like a pensioner, in a slow, challenged and in some ways obsolete manner.

A burning escape - McCarran Airport - Las Vegas - Nevada - USA

McCarran Airport - Las Vegas - Nevada - USA

When the Michael Jackson production of One by Cirque de Soleil end, Inga somehow bundled me into a cab and got me back to the hotel.

I spent that evening in the fetal position, crunched up and praying for the raging heartburn to subside. It was brutal. I was literally within 5 mins of making a call to head to emergency when finally my body started to win the battle and the viciousness of the pain started to dissipate. Somewhere around 5am I drifted into a tempered sleep, revising the stupidity of undertaking a challenge that caused that much pain and that I spent $35 undertaking.

…And that my friends was the Real Las Vegas  experience. Shows, alcohol and stupidity. What happens in Vegas should really stay there but unfortunately the left the show with my O-ring lit up like the good ‘ole firecracker night back in the day.

We’ll see you next time Vegas. The next time we return both us of us will be just that much more the wiser!

Los Angeles (USA) - Hey, are you going to pay our tourist tax?

Los Angeles (USA)
15 January - 19 January 2017

Back in Los Angeles, back to Hollywood. The theatre of dreams and the arena of the ruined.

The bright beaming letters of the Hollywood sign are the epitome of false idolatry. It represents all that is fickle, all the fools gold and falsities of promise wrapped up in a destination where the elite cast shadows of such impossible magnitude that we all, myself included, become brainwashed by its surreal majesty.

Hollywood is not Los Angeles of course. Los Angeles is comprised of another 71 suburbs also looking to find a CBD to call home.

I’ve had a personal struggle with Los Angeles. It’s not a manageable city, nor is it attractive. It’s not a city that seeks the type of love it commands by default, but with that said, never have I really given it any of my love previously. I don’t flat out hate it but I would have to think long and hard about real reasons for liking it.

Hollywood Walk of Fame - Hollywood Boulevard - Hollywood - Los Angeles - USA

The Hard Rock Cafe at Univesal City - Los Angeles - USA

Outside Universal Studios Theme Park - Los Angeles - USA

Our first destination when it came to taking on Central America on the cheap was the Banana Bungalow located on Hollywood Boulevard, in Hollywood. 

Some of the comments I'd read of the Banana Bungalow on Booking.com were promising. Things such as free parking (which we needed), great social hostel (like most hostels), free alcohol and food on Wednesdays (yes, and kind of cool) and great location (true too, only 10 mins away from the ‘Hollywood’ we wanted to see). That aside, our room mates comprised of a Pakistani Uber driver that was literally calling the Hostel home, a junkie that sweat bullets and lived in a blanket cocoon for 20hrs a day, a girl who constantly had a fan/heater blowing on her and whose worldly possessions seemed to exist in the suitcase that was placed under her bed. Then there was us two, the newly engaged couple with global real estate investments bunkering down in bunks, all within the one sticky room.

Universal Studios Theme Park - Los Angeles - USA

Universal Studios Theme Park - Los Angeles - USA

Universal Studios Theme Park - Los Angeles - USA

Universal Studios Theme Park - Los Angeles - USA

I treat Los Angeles a little like the Gold Coast in the fact then when I think of them both the lights in my head flash ‘theme parks’. Thankfully Inga likes a good theme park as much as I do, so convincing her to head to Universal Studios on our first day was a breeze.

The oldest and most famous of all Hollywood studios still in use, Universal Studios Theme Park in Hollywood is a dedication to the industry that holds this town aloft globally.

The rides at the theme park are good, in fact very good and the theme park itself is compact enough to allow you to cover a lot of the rides in a day plus undertake a back lot tour. As an ice breaker into Los Angeles I think its fun and the accompanying Universal City acts as the perfect adjunct for post theme park activities.

Universal City - Los Angeles - USA

Margaritas at Te'Kila - Hollywood Boulevard - Hollywood - Los Angeles - USA

Te'Kila - Hollywood Boulevard - Hollywood - Los Angeles - USA

Our night in Hollywood existed solely within the confines of Hollywood Boulevard, in particular, the path that it took to walk from the Banana Lounge Hostel to a Mexican restaurant/bar where the drinks were good and the food wasn’t too bad either. Still, this Mexican joint did encounter our wrath one night when we noticed a 20% surcharge mysteriously appear on our bill with no itemisation. The line just read 20% tax (or perhaps it read surcharge). When we challenged the staff on the item the reason we were given, and I quote, ‘Oh, that a 20% tourist tax that we charge’. Now, aside from the absurdity of having a tourist tax, which of course we knew was bogus, the issues that a tax of this nature creates is just mind boggling. So first question, ‘How do you actually know that I’m a tourist?’, ‘Are you assuming this because of an accent?’. By the same logical deductui wouldn’t that therefore mean that half of Los Angeles would also now have to pay a 20% tourist tax based upon your reasoning?  Did you somehow discover my place of residency on entry? I don’t recall being asked where in the world I lived at this moment? Is this an international tourist tax or do you apply it to people from outside of the state, or indeed, outside of Los Angeles, or even further, outside of Hollywood?  In any case, the surcharge, which I assume was the value they added for what they considered was their right to acquire a tip was not paid. Much to the behest of the idiot that charged us. By way of proof I decided to show him my Wells Fargo card in any case, pointing out that I did have a piece of land in the US and would not be regarded as a tourist, not against my will in any case.  Incidentally, if anyone wants to know, the place is called Te’Kila, 6541 Hollywood Blvd – Don’t be a victim! Hold these punks to account!

Santa Monica Pier - Santa Monica - Los Angeles - USA

Santa Monica Pier - Santa Monica - Los Angeles - USA

Pacific Park - Santa Monica Pier - Santa Monica - Los Angeles - USA

Santa Monica Pier - Santa Monica - Los Angeles - USA

Pacific Park - Santa Monica Pier - Santa Monica - Los Angeles - USA

The next day we found ourselves heading out to Santa Monica pier and doing the walk down to Venice Beach. This ended up being a cool day. Beaches usually have a great vibe but Venice is like another world, it’s a catwalk for all sorts, some freaks too, but generally its very chilled and laid back with a good attitude. We both liked it. So much so that we did consider in future possibly occupying an AirBnB on Venice for a month or two in our futures, although, when I consider that I think directly about Rio de Janeiro and to a lesser extent the Gold Coast,  why would you stay on Venice when those two options have so much more to offer.

Inga was invited to partake in random dance improv on the beach

It really was as bad as it looks - although Inga was awesome ;)

Santa Monica State Beach - Santa Monica - Los Angeles - USA

Working the rings

Santa Monica State Beach - Santa Monica - Los Angeles - USA

Working the rings

Santa Monica State Beach - Santa Monica - Los Angeles - USA

On our final day prior to heading out to Las Vegas was spent at Six Flags Magic Mountain theme park in Santa Clarita.  An easy 40 min drive out of Hollywood, this place holds the world record for most roller coasters in an amusement park and was just the place for a couple like us that loves thrill rides in general. 

I’ve been drawn to theme parks, but more so, roller coasters, since I was a kid. I love them! And some of the ones they have here are just insane. In particular I refer to Goliath, which for a brief period from February 11 to May 13, 2000, was recognised as having the fastest and longest opening drop (136 kph) from an initial height of 78 mtrs. It is AWESOME! Your stomach ends up in your eye-balls.

Hollywood Boulevard - Hollywood - Los Angeles - USA

Being this close we certainly got a whiff of what THE ROCK was cooking

 Check out the stalker with the 'crazy doting' eyes - just over his right shoulder

Hollywood Boulevard - Hollywood - Los Angeles - USA

Heading to Las Vegas - just about to take a turn over the Pacific

Los Angeles International Airport (LAX) - Los Angeles - USA

Other fantastic rides at the park are the Twisted Colossus,  Freefall, Tatsu & Scream. I mean really, there’s too many to talk through them all other than to say that having a day like this is always a blast and makes you feel like a big kid.

Central America - 'Because it's there' tour

Central America
15 January - 12 March 2017

Politically tumultuous, chaotic and unfortunate in terms of geography, Central America has been the unfortunate ‘play thing’ of the USA, predominantly in the late 70’s and early 80’s, when Communist revolutions started to spark through most of those countries.

The USA has feared that any victory by Communist forces in those parts would lead to an isolation of South America, where it had ‘other’ interests. Hence it acted as a major protagonist in the Nicaraguan Revolution, Salvadoran Civil War, Guatemalan Civil War and the ongoing manipulation and coercion in Honduras and Panama.

Again, the spike in my interest for Central America came from the awareness of troubled part of the world in between North America and South America. Of course as an early teen I didn’t really understand the root of the conflicts but one moment that made the greatest visual impression on me was the United States invasion of Panama. During this invasion the defacto Panamanian, military and dictator Manuel Noriega was deposed.

So it was with this knowledge and these images that I put the idea forward to Inga for us to do a tour through Central America.

The attraction to this part of the world, admittedly, was never strong. I’d never had an overwhelming desire to visit these countries and neither had Inga, but, the desire for us to travel far outweighs our desire to see a city, country or area, and so we decided to put together a few months of budget travel. We designed a Central America on a shoestring adventure based upon back backing adventures that neither of us had really had and the fact that we thought that Spanish speaking countries as a whole are pretty cool places.

So I bring to you Central America – ‘Because it’s their tour’.